Now Playing Tracks

Shooting Women

#yesallwomen I did a standup show at isla vista UCSB one week to the day before the guy shot up the town. There was shock and the guy’s crazy “reasoning” came out and women EVERYWHERE just started pointing out the obvious things that women live with that men don’t and haven’t even thought about. The hundreds of decent men I know, personally, are shocked and made aware of these things. They are sad about what they are learning, but they are learning it. There are millions of decent men, who I don’t know, who are learning these things and talking about how to help make everyone’s experience slightly better.

And there are the guys who can’t hear it. Which, when no one is attacking them specifically, there are only a couple reasons a person couldn’t acknowledge a common experience that is being shared from millions of women.

There are amazing things being pointed out that are just a part of a regular day in being a human female. I don’t think about it much, it’s all automatic now. The examples listed are great, but I was reminded of the low level, constant awareness of my surroundings, constant placating of some men, constant ignoring of sexual comments from some men, and a constant answering of inappropriate questions at work and in social situations about relationships, plans for relationships, children, sex and wardrobe choices.

#yesallwomen isn’t about OTHER discussions that need to be had…gun safety and mental illness. (We are living in the first 40 pages of Watership Down here, folks).

#yesallwomen means; Every woman. Your mom, your sister, your girlfriend, the lady at Starbucks. Women wearing clothes, women not wearing clothes. Women covered because of conservative religious beliefs and an eleven year old girl wearing her brother’s football jersey. And, yes, even me. I’m not Helen of Troy over here. I’ve never been the woman that nations fight wars about.  I’ve looked like some version of what I look like now since I was 16. track 3: “If you miss YOUR mom, I’ll hug you.”  I’m no tiny, fairy beauty that infuriates a particular kind of man into feeling that women are “teases” and “bitches.” But I, too, have been belittled verbally and physically attacked for no other reason I can think of except that I’m the woman standing in front of these guys.

I worked three summers in a gay resort town of Provincetown, MA at a footlong hotdog stand (1989joke: “put a condiment on that” killed with drunk gay guys). We had two 15 yr old guys filling the sodas and they had grown up in p-town. They hated gay guys. Because there are some gay guys who treat men like some straight guys treat women. Hitting on them, trying to flirt when it’s clear that it isn’t working. The women who worked at the hotdog stand explained to these young men that that’s how women live their lives.

I do a bit on my new album (“98% of Men” out last month and available from amazon and iTunes ;)  about how I know the majority of the people on this planet are good (and 2% of the people, men and women, are broken… so live a little defensively, but not crazy defensive, like Nancy Grace wants you to). I’ve “not been killed” a half dozen times by guys that were annoyed but took no as a complete sentence. But there is no award for not being horrible. Because you took no for an answer, because you didn’t rape someone, because you didn’t shake your baby when it wouldn’t shut up isn’t a reason to have a trophy made.

So when I heard what some men are saying, I was confused. I was confused at the men that ARE taking these comments personally… saying that, because women are pointing out how their lives exist, that “women hate all men.” Then these gentlemen also insist that a specific statement such as “a man that kills women hates women” is “too sweeping.” I have thought about all of this as I’ve watched the conversation wash over me. And I have a theory about where it’s coming from:

The guys that take all these things as personal attacks; “you’re lumping us all together” you’re insisting on “collective guilt,” feel attacked because they FEEL guilty - EVEN IF THEY’VE DONE NOTHING.

1. There are men that feel they SHOULD have been doing something and are mad at their own lack of Superpowers.
2. Worse, there are men that HAVE done something…if only creep on women … and feel like they’re being called on it. And they are. This is a call to stop it. Just…stop it. It’s not okay. It’s not funny. It’s not effective. It’s bad. Stop it.
3. Or, and this could be anyone of us, and it takes a grown adult of any gender to admit it, there are men that have stood by.

I am not the hero of this story. I’ve stood by. I’ve let men say things to other women around me…and not spoke up. I’ve let racism be spoken around me and not spoke up. I’ve let people be mean to their kids…smacking an ear in public mean…and said nothing. Hell, I’ve let men say and elbow squeeze ME and not said anything.

I’ve stood by. I once didn’t help a man who was a. Either being mugged or b. Using the words, “someone’s chasing me” as a ploy to get into a locked corridor I was in. I’ll never know if that guy got hurt because I couldn’t trust enough to help him…but I was scared it was a ploy to get into the safety of the apartment I was house sitting at 12:30am in NYC. I know, in my head, that I made the choice to make sure I was safe. But I still feel like I was a coward. And I still think about it.

But sometimes I’m afraid of the confrontation. Of the argument. Of not having the words or the physical strength to back up my convictions. I hate getting hit. But, sometimes, I still think I’m going to get hit. And no one has hit me in years. And I’ve only had to get walked to my car after a show twice in the last ten years. So, these are residual fears that still affect my life. I’ve made peace with the fact that I have been cowardly in the past. And I’ve realized that I will not always be brave. But, dammit, I try.

The way I live now is not from a place of guilt but from a place of responsibility. We all, as people taking part in our collective social contract, have a responsibility to each other. Each to our abilities and willingness to find the courage to stand up to …whatever you want to call them; bullies, crazies (both male and female) or the clinically insane …I call them assholes. I don’t do it every time, even now. It’s the kind of thing that takes practice; for me, I have to practice not BEING an asshole, as well as not allowing it AROUND me. I have to remind myself that standing up to assholes is a confrontation I do not want to have but I have to find the willingness to have. And I’m still judgmental and snappish and, so, not a fucking saint either. So I’ve got plenty of work to do. But I work on being willing to do that work.

Maybe it’s because I do standup and the underdog is always the hero in my eyes. The person to whom no tout in the world would suggest you put your money on… Women, Children, various non-white ethnic groups, the handicapped, the insane, the homeless…even a white guy with a shitty haircut…these are the people that comedy comes from, in my life.

Fish don’t think about water, they just live their lives in it. So this hashtag thing just reminds us, to each other, that we aren’t alone, or crazy for not being cool with it.  And everyone’s life is in a water we can’t know, without comedy. Comedy gives us a glimpse into other waters. Other people’s families, other people’s jobs, other people’s lives. It takes us all swimming in a lake of Native American rage or an Arkansas off-the-grid lifestyle. (What are those people hiding from?) When a comedian or a book or a show reveals to me a world I have never thought about or realized existed …I am briefly ashamed that I never saw it, and then I laugh. At all of us.

Let’s all work on telling assholes to shut up as well as not being assholes ourselves.

Half hour till my show tonight. I have a bit about how 98% of men are good. I’ve been creeped on & attacked but I still want to DO that bit. I’m just sick about it tonight.

I have a bit about my dad and guns that has a lot of comedy potential and needs work but I’m physically gurgling at the thought of doing it tonight.

I worked isla vista last week. I’m sad and I feel like the jokes I do about the creeps and good guys of the world encourage good guys. But I don’t want to antagonize the bad guys who might be in my Arizona audience.

I want to be brave and “lean in” and work harder and make it okay for good guys to be good but I also want to not have to do this bullshit. No one asked me to do it, but I’m compelled to do it. By what or whom or what socialization or genetic makeup I do not know. But it hurts my heart and makes me mad that I’ve been defending anyone. Ever. But I also know I’m right to do it. Twisted up inside and confused. Should make for an interesting night of comedy.

This is an extra 2 min phone bonus from this weeks ep.

This week’s The Dork Forest was SO great there’s 2 PHONE Bonus’s… but libsyn won’t let me upload 2 phone bonusii …so here. 

TDF EP 229 with Erin Foley and the Sklar Bros

Live from Austin, TX Moontower Comedy Fest - Randy and Jason Sklar, Erin Foley (@sklarbros and @erinfoleycomic on twitter) talk about baseball and sports and it makes me WANT to want to get INTO it!! Another Dork Forest guest WIN!

Good morning Austin Texas.

I’m pretty tired here as I get ready to be picked up for radio this morning.

Tiny Diatribe

Friendly tip: if you wish to engage in some sort of
activity with another person and you are asked to email the information that was mentioned in another way/shape/form (text, DM, FB, phone), rehash the conversation…reiterate the info. A message that reads, “want to do that show?” with no other sentences will get deleted. I am not a Hardy Boy. Here endeth the tiny diatribe.

Horcrux Album.

Some people just want audio. So the album version of This Will Make an Excellent Horcrux is available. and on Amazon mp3. 

The $5 downloadable VIDEO of that show is still available from All Things Comedy at 

Here’s the thing: the DVD is from the Friday show and the CD is from the Saturday show. Much of the material is the same but the jokes are told a bit different because I am not a machine. If you’re some kind of completist you CAN spend less than $15 for both digital copies and compare and contrast those sets. Live it up.

If you are a hard copy kind of person you can get the DVD of Horcrux from my website, which has ONE bonus thing on it. You can also get a hard copy of the CD. Which is just the same as the digital but three dimensional.

All of these choices sold make it easier for people who don’t have $20. OR you can listen for free on XM or Pandora or Spotify though I’m uncertain how that all works.

If you want more comedy from Standup!Records he’s got an iTunes page. check it out!

All good. See you live one day, hopefully. Jackie

Toledo IA Green Gravel Comedy Fest day one

I freaking love this town. Right now I’ve texted everybody else but I’m having breakfast by myself across from the Designer Inn And Suites (7 fantasy suites available - tho no race-car bed).

Last nights shows, the first one at the theater was great but it seats 400 and so everyone was shuttled to Bumblebees to watch one comedy show after another. SO FUN! 8pm show, 930show 1130 show. Good pizza, free beer. I made it thru the first two shows…then hit the sack.

I’m pretty sure they all went and bonfires it up At the camp grounds. Today. Live dork forest at the Legion Hall. Heh. Fun!

Adam Richmond. Sure.

I’m a Minneapolis comic. I’m from Wisconsin but my home club is in Minneapolis at ACME. I work the road a million weeks a year and comedy staff are so good to me and a thousand other comics. They are always friendly to the comics, they take so much shit from the random toolbags of audience members who get too drunk, think they are “the funny ones” or think they are NOT out in public but are in their houses with their phones and computers watching television. 

In August I was traveling through MPLS  the week after Adam Richmond worked the House of Comedy in the Mall of America and the local comics were ALL talking about the how his week “went.” I was told some very basic things about the week by comics that were at the club, hanging/work that room and staff that know staff and comics that “know cops.” I was horrified and mad but I didn’t feel it was so horrible as to post about it publicly. I didn’t want to get into it before he was tried or it was public. I BELIEVE the staff member, by the way. Firstly, because we don’t live the fucking Crucible (whatever Ann Coulter wants you to believe) and secondly I’ve worked in this business forever. I know what I’ve done drunk and I’ve seen much worse done drunk around me for the last million years. Here’s what I was told: 

"The morning of August 4th Adam Richmond ( got arrested after fleeing the apartment of one of the waitstaff from the House of Comedy for attempted rape.

From one of the comics (guy in his 20’s) that was around the HOC that week I got this gossipy quote, “he’s gross. he kept asking me - where’s the chicks?” I kept thinking, we’re in a mall - the “chicks” are 14, I’m not going to be your wingman.”

From a waiter (guy, late 20’s) who knows the staff at the other club, I got this, “Basically, he tried to rape a waitress there. He was arrested at 5:30 am on Monday morning. Basically, the neighbors called 911, he fled and then they arrested him at the hotel. He lied to the cops about where he’d been so he’s getting charged with attempted rape and tampering with a witness. I know a cop on the force and he read the report and told me it said that Adam said to the woman, “You should feel lucky that I like you. I’m a comedian and you’re just a waitress.” There was contact…i.e. he didn’t rape her, but it seems he physically tried. That’s about all I know. And he was released on $100,000 bail. So he WILL have to go back to court, I assume. And in the meantime, he’s just doing gigs as he sees fit, I guess. Because nobody out in LA or wherever knows? I guess they will eventually. But the club is very hush-hush about this, bad press I guess.”

And the comic (20ish guy) that worked the club the FOLLOWING week said the manager said to HIM, “the waitstaff are a little twitchy this week. No weird jokes, okay?”

I came back to LA and checked his calendar and saw he’s working and no one knew. I told some women comics I know who work the Store, bc he’s there a lot, as a warning. I talked with comics, men and women, to ask if they’d heard. A couple had, most hadn’t and I got a lot of anecdotal stories of poor behavior to REALLy poor behavior.

Why weigh in now? Several reasons: Because there’s asshats out there that are clearly WORKING for his lawyer to scrub his reputation. Because the stuff listed in the police report That He Admitted were even worse than what I was told. Because everyone needs to be a little wary around the guy. Because even his merch and slogans are gross. Because he creeps me out and I’ve never met him. But, mostly, because I know hundreds of good, decent men; comics and non comics who get mocked for not being horrible to women. It’s hard to standup against people that you feel are funnier than you, or more successful than you and I wish to encourage it.

There are plenty of comics saying very funny things about his horribleness. A bunch of MPLS comics posted on the club he was supposed to work last week, Yes! Come see adam richmond and then linked various articles about the assault. When comics talk about his line to the waitress “you should be grateful I like you- you re just a waitress and Im a comic” has INSPIRED so much self deprecating WTF comments from Every comic. We’ve all reached a consensus that that is a VERY hacky rape-line. I’ve wracked my brain if I think this is gratuitous or slander or just a warning… I’m going with a warning. If he’s acquitted or convicted or the waitress drops the charges cuz “he was just kidding” he’ll still be around, shoving his crotch into the face of sitting women to be “hilarious.” Here’s a place to start for horrible articles regarding the case: At least I’m not plugging my new album, special, am I right?
FOLOWUP: June 17, 2014 Here you go: Adam Richmond found Not-Guilty.  It turns out, if you’re a drunk MAN and you shove yer junk into the face of an unwilling drunk WOMAN, that’s not illegal. Live it up fellas. 

Regarding this weeks TDF w Louise Palanker and iTunes of course. I get this kind of email from fans (not always from this guy and not every week; but from various ranger fans and re various eps. So great). These are excerpts from the email a nice guy named Ross sent me:

You might remember the Cowsills not just from “The Flower Girl”, but the title tune from the musical Hair(“Gimme a head with hair/Long, beautiful hai-air…”).
I, too, love melody & harmony. I miss being in a choir(although I will admit that a lot of choral music is more fun to sing than listen to); I did a tour of European cathedrals with my college choir back in Jan of 1981. Unheated cathedrals(so we all wore everything we owned under our robes, making us all look like singing, silk-covered balls that puffed steam from our breathing), the odd, muffled sound of a hundred old ladies applauding in mittens, getting thrown out of the Vienna Staatsoper during Salome, singing the Schubert Mass in G with the Salzburg Cathedral’s choir—amazing. I had my most transcendent musical experience in an Austrian cathedral; singing a Gregorian chant Sanctus set in lush, Romantic-era chords, we got to the final, gorgeous chord, and I swear I could “see”(like someone with synesthesia) the various parts like different color bands…

BTW, if you like poppy-hooky tunes, look into Marshall Crenshaw. Highly underrated, and a scholar of popular music, to boot.

Oh, Maggie Smith; watch one of her 60’s films(like The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie), or especially Neil Simon’s Murder By Death—playing a parody of the Nora Charles character from The Thin Man movies, she sports a white satin(or silk) evening gown for much of the film…Hell-oooooooo, Nurse!
Speaking of backup singers, that’s how Sheryl Crow made a living as a musician, while she was putting together her material for that great debut album.
Bacharach, you do know. Think all those ’60s Dionne Warwick and Dusty Springfield hits(among others), like Anyone Who Had A Heart, The Look of Love, Walk On By, This Guy’s In Love With You(Herb Alpert barely singing it), Alfie, (They Long To Be) Close to You, Baby It’s You, What’s New Pussycat?, What the World Needs Now Is Love, Wives and Lovers, Make It Easy On Yourself, I Say A Little Prayer For You, Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head, Promises Promises(part of his score for the stage musical version of the Lemmon-McLaine-MacMurray film, The Apartment), One Less Bell to Answer(my favorite 5th Dimension track), and zillions more. Elvis Costello did an amazing album with him a few years ago called Painted From Memory, which is a song cycle about a marriage falling apart(don’t run—the songs are just ravishing, esp God Give Me Strength, which was used as the big breakthrough hit for Ilona Douglas’ fictionalized Carole Bayer Sager character—Bacharach’s ’80s wife & writing partner, of stuff like the theme from Arthur—in Grace of My Heart).

This was a fun ep(well, aside from the stuff about troubled teens, of course—wrong to call that part “fun”). I’d love to talk pop music with Ms Palanker. Sounds like we have many similar tastes.

I’ll let you get back to work, Head Ranger. Bye-bye, and Buy Bonds.

I’ve Never Wanted to YELP before

I won’t have the all-region DVD’s of This Will Make an Excellent Horcrux by April 1st, unless discmakers can do it. The short version of this is, I sent Noiseland Industries the wrong initial file to burn onto the DVD’s, caught the mistake, sent a polite but worried email to them and received no response. I sent the right file with another email. Still no response. 

On Friday I got an email from production asking if I was going to send a file. I panicked. What ensued was, 4 short emails asking if they had NOT gotten either of the files and did they, for sure, have the corrected file? No response. I sent 2 more abrupt emails to EVERYONE I had worked with. No response. I called all three of the people. No call. No Email.

Sunday I freaked out. The previous weekend, there had been someone at the office when I called, so now I (in the committee meeting in my head) thought they were ignoring me so they could make the wrong file so I’d have to re order. Not real. Not, probably, even thought of on their part.

I sent an angry email (swearing), I left an angry voicemail (swearing) and I tweeted at them in all caps. 20minutes later I, as is my policy, calmed down and sent a apologetic email, an apologetic voicemail, and an apologetic tweet. Still no response. 

This morning I woke to hope for an email, a phone call… nope. I got an email from the one production person at 11:11am (PST)  - which is 1:11 in Minnesota. SO… after a nice lunch they thought they’d deal with my, clearly, worried fears. Except all the email SAID was, essentially, we won’t be able to get you your dvd’s by when you said you needed them. we might be able to work something out… cool? 

NO. Not cool. I called her, tried to find out if she had the right file and she was dismissive, initially, “oh I didn’t listen to your voicemails, I don’t have time for that kind of thing.” Well. good for you. but you knew I was worried about something? Her, “yeah, but it’s fine.” You didn’t think you or Andrew V. or someone should call or email ME about it? Knowing that I was worried?” Pause. “Well, sorry but it’s fine.” Is it, I asked? Do you have the right master? Pause, “I have the one Andrew sent me.” The one with the Menu and the bonus materials? Pause. “I have the one Andrew sent me.” I sent him two. I sent him the wrong one initially and then the right one. Pause. “Well. I don’t know.” 

And it went on like that, me civil for about 3 more minutes, until it was made SO CLEAR she didn’t care, she thought I was overreacting to making sure the project was right. And now, the damn thing isn’t going to be done in time anyway. So I said, “Cancel it. I’ll go elsewhere. Destroy my other projects with you.” 

I was civil, oh, but angry, to the end. I’m happy enough about that. But I couldn’t BELIEVE how much she didn’t care. She didn’t even OFFER to have me “hold on” while she CHECKED to see if my order was right. I did customer service for a gajillion years. The disinterested “well, you fucked up.” attitude HAS it’s place, but not in the way I was asking for help. In this case, she should have CHECKED my order. No offer to do that. 

So, Noiseland Industries, Minneapolis MN… we are done. I make mistakes and I pay for them (My last album, It Is Never Going to Be Bread, I sent them the wrong master, they printed 1000 of them, I sucked it up. I sold them (they are gone and collector’s items now) with the missing TITLE track, God. An extra, track 7.5 tho. Different art that’s on the cover now from Stand UP! Records. So I know what it is to make that mistake, own up to it (so as not to fill a landfill full of my error) and move on. 

There was no remorse from this woman. She was a caricature of Minnesota Nice, Minnesota Passive/Aggressive and a person who can’t admit when THEY have made a mistake. 

So mad. At them. At myself for yesterday. And at the one man band of this damn career. Here ends the Vent. 

I’m reading Nicholas Blake’s (née Daniel Dad Lewis via Myq Kaplan) “Minute for Murder”

What started as pulp murder mysteries he wrote, for money, in the 20’s have turned into fascinating glimpses into WW 2 reminisces in England; surrounded, of course, by pulp mystery/spy novels (written in the late 30’s/40’s). The first spy novel I read “The Smiler with a Knife” was published in the thick of the war. This one, “Minute for Murder” is published as it winds down and our hero, Nigel Strangeways, is working for the propaganda dept. So, it’s ruminative, like all of Cecil Day Lewis’s work. Full of references for great poets and playwrights that I wish I got but am unwilling to crack down on the classics. There’s always great writing with Daniel Dad Lewis, but there’s a great paragraph about the people who fought for England in WW2, reflecting what you can get from people if you really can sell a just war:

"It was pleasant to reflect many of his sort this war had thrown up. The long-haired, sensitive types, who had voted at the Oxford Union that under no circumstances would they die for king and country, and a few years later had gone up into the air with the professionals of the R.A.F. And helped win the Battle of Britain, fighting with the same skill and abandon as once they had speechified. The conscientious objectors, who refused to kill but performed prodigies of valor during the blitzes as members of rescue squads and fire brigades. The clever little dons, who vanished one day from their universities and were next heard of having dropped by parachute into occupied territory, organizing the resistance, dynamiting bridges, standing up to a firing party in a squalid backyard. The anonymous-looking scientists, who walked up to unexplored bombs and coldly took them to pieces, as though they were demonstrating an experiment in a laboratory, and generally were not blown to bits. All the eccentrics, the amateurs, the people who did not believe in war and went into a cold fury when it interfered with their private lives and were then extremely dangerous to anything that got in their way, whether it was a German or a piece of red tape. The people who proved so much more disconcerting to the enemy because they did not wear their toughness on their sleeve, and because their minds would keep jumping the rails so earnestly laid down for them by Teutonic students of the English character. " -Minute For Murder by Nicholas Blake

Previously, our hero gets his paperwork delivered by a veteran of the Last World War and we see the fears of what to do with all these “killers” we’ve created,

"You mark my words, sir. When peace comes, as you might say real peace, there’ll be (chaos) in this country. Proper (chaos)."… "Stands to reason. Millions of young men trained to kill. Proper artful too…" "Now after my war, it was different. All killed off we was. What come back, we’d ‘ad enough; anything for a quiet life. Cowed, that’s what we were. You may think it’s a harsh saying of mine, sir, but this war ain’t killed off enough" (British soldiers one assumes he’s speaking of).

The other books are full of awesome paragraphs that reflect the tension of the war, the psyche of various people. I just thought these were interesting. They certainly took a sec for me to type. So there.

Too dark?

A record company is getting royalties for a couple tracks on an album I didn’t know I recorded. I performed for a battered shelter. The royalty people decided in favor of the label. Is this email too harsh? “He’s got the contract I, supposedly, signed? Well…I hope some of that money is still going to the battered shelter I performed for. Or it’s another smack in the face for some stupid bitch who just doesn’t listen. “

This was the exchange w the guy, just today:

Him (polite, firm): As I told you ** had each one of the Comics sign off royalties as these CD’s were for her cause against domestic violence. I personally saw each and every one signed. My contract is with ** and I do not have the right to just give you a copy. Are you in contact with **? I am not. There has been zero income from this project for a very long time. I doubt if there is enough money involved here to make paying a lawyer worthwhile but do what you want. I hope that you joined Sound Exchange and received whatever $ was coming to you airplay.;

Me(polite, firm, trying to keep it light and professional):;

I am not in contact with ** either.;

I totally agree about the lawyer but, as a comic, I’m a one man band over here. No one is looking out for me but me. i.e. I have to check these things. I wrote the jokes… I believed I was giving them, one night, for a cause. If I’ve given them in perpetuity to a cause, I should know that - and if I’ve given them in perpetuity to you I’d like to know that.;

If there is so little money involved… you might want to bail and I would love to have my jokes back. ;

But it’s cool if the tracks are yours too. I just need to know. So, 13 years ago or not… there should be some documentation I signed that someone should get to see (I think me, just cuz I sposedly signed it, but I’m fine with it being SE).;

we’ll figure it out and I’ll move on. Promise, Jackie;

Him (purposely not getting me and slightly condescending): Hi Jackie, FYI, the jokes are yours. ** owns only the sound recordings. I will show you my signed agreement with ** if you’d like to see it, in fact I’ll buy lunch. I do not the doc you signed for ** BUT I did see it and all of the others. But to be clear, ** does not own the jokes, only the sound recordings.;

Me(ladysplaining my light comment, but still being polite and giving him an out):;

Sorry, should have clarified, “the recordings of my jokes that aren’t making a great deal of money but are on the radio rarely but occasionally.”;

Know that I’m doing this with ALL of the sound recordings that I don’t have record of signing away. It’s not YOU or **… it’s ME and keeping on top of my business.;

Thanks, Jackie;

Him (less polite): Well Jackie you did sign away the rights. I saw the signed document. And I have a signed agreement with **. Also my recording engineer was there in plain view. Sorry your memory has failed you on this but it is in fact real. And to come out about this 13 years later ? I think you should hire an attorney.;

And the email I NOW want to send but will not: “there’s a lot of witnessing of signatures going on and no handwriting being produced. I’m not interested in hearsay…you and yer buddy saw me sign something. Great. Pony it up.”;

And recordings of comedy I JUST found out are being sold and produced, wherein the original benefit is long gone and now just some rando company is making money…yeah, that should be ME not making any money. Or not. But let’s see something with my signature on it. ;

I get this email every couple months. kewl.

"…it dawned on me that you were the woman I saw on an episode of Comedy Central Presents. …you were the woman that got on national television in 2003 and told a joke about Final Fantasy Legend. I played that game for hours and hours when I was 5 years old. Think of the attention span a young, nerdy brain has for video games. I devoted all of it to FF Legend. Climbing that epic tower and rebelling against God for being such an asshole was forever etched into my brain as a child.

That experience was never shared with anyone before you told that joke. …That joke, for me, was hilarious and nostalgic and even validating in a lot of ways. It basically blew my mind at the time. I say this with the utmost sincerity: Thank you for that joke.”

I love this email. I get it, via email and guys coming up to me after shows, a few times a year. It’s great. Makes me want to play MineCraft and write something. But, dude, it wouldn’t be organic… so maybe not ;) 

The Dork Forest



The Podcast is out! The Dork Forest hosted by Jackie Kashian has plopped for the week and features an enthusiastic endorsement of Firebird Jim right in the intro. The premise of the podcast involves guest/s (often comedians) discussing their biggest obsession with Jackie and the listeners. This…

I read this and it’s dark and fun! (on my kindle app on my phone, but you can read it on yer computer, nook, kindle… any machine. 

We make Tumblr themes