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Too dark?

A record company is getting royalties for a couple tracks on an album I didn’t know I recorded. I performed for a battered shelter. The royalty people decided in favor of the label. Is this email too harsh? “He’s got the contract I, supposedly, signed? Well…I hope some of that money is still going to the battered shelter I performed for. Or it’s another smack in the face for some stupid bitch who just doesn’t listen. “

This was the exchange w the guy, just today:

Him (polite, firm): As I told you ** had each one of the Comics sign off royalties as these CD’s were for her cause against domestic violence. I personally saw each and every one signed. My contract is with ** and I do not have the right to just give you a copy. Are you in contact with **? I am not. There has been zero income from this project for a very long time. I doubt if there is enough money involved here to make paying a lawyer worthwhile but do what you want. I hope that you joined Sound Exchange and received whatever $ was coming to you airplay.;

Me(polite, firm, trying to keep it light and professional):;

I am not in contact with ** either.;

I totally agree about the lawyer but, as a comic, I’m a one man band over here. No one is looking out for me but me. i.e. I have to check these things. I wrote the jokes… I believed I was giving them, one night, for a cause. If I’ve given them in perpetuity to a cause, I should know that - and if I’ve given them in perpetuity to you I’d like to know that.;

If there is so little money involved… you might want to bail and I would love to have my jokes back. ;

But it’s cool if the tracks are yours too. I just need to know. So, 13 years ago or not… there should be some documentation I signed that someone should get to see (I think me, just cuz I sposedly signed it, but I’m fine with it being SE).;

we’ll figure it out and I’ll move on. Promise, Jackie;

Him (purposely not getting me and slightly condescending): Hi Jackie, FYI, the jokes are yours. ** owns only the sound recordings. I will show you my signed agreement with ** if you’d like to see it, in fact I’ll buy lunch. I do not the doc you signed for ** BUT I did see it and all of the others. But to be clear, ** does not own the jokes, only the sound recordings.;

Me(ladysplaining my light comment, but still being polite and giving him an out):;

Sorry, should have clarified, “the recordings of my jokes that aren’t making a great deal of money but are on the radio rarely but occasionally.”;

Know that I’m doing this with ALL of the sound recordings that I don’t have record of signing away. It’s not YOU or **… it’s ME and keeping on top of my business.;

Thanks, Jackie;

Him (less polite): Well Jackie you did sign away the rights. I saw the signed document. And I have a signed agreement with **. Also my recording engineer was there in plain view. Sorry your memory has failed you on this but it is in fact real. And to come out about this 13 years later ? I think you should hire an attorney.;

And the email I NOW want to send but will not: “there’s a lot of witnessing of signatures going on and no handwriting being produced. I’m not interested in hearsay…you and yer buddy saw me sign something. Great. Pony it up.”;

And recordings of comedy I JUST found out are being sold and produced, wherein the original benefit is long gone and now just some rando company is making money…yeah, that should be ME not making any money. Or not. But let’s see something with my signature on it. ;

I get this email every couple months. kewl.

"…it dawned on me that you were the woman I saw on an episode of Comedy Central Presents. …you were the woman that got on national television in 2003 and told a joke about Final Fantasy Legend. I played that game for hours and hours when I was 5 years old. Think of the attention span a young, nerdy brain has for video games. I devoted all of it to FF Legend. Climbing that epic tower and rebelling against God for being such an asshole was forever etched into my brain as a child.

That experience was never shared with anyone before you told that joke. …That joke, for me, was hilarious and nostalgic and even validating in a lot of ways. It basically blew my mind at the time. I say this with the utmost sincerity: Thank you for that joke.”

I love this email. I get it, via email and guys coming up to me after shows, a few times a year. It’s great. Makes me want to play MineCraft and write something. But, dude, it wouldn’t be organic… so maybe not ;) 

The Dork Forest



The Podcast is out! The Dork Forest hosted by Jackie Kashian has plopped for the week and features an enthusiastic endorsement of Firebird Jim right in the intro. The premise of the podcast involves guest/s (often comedians) discussing their biggest obsession with Jackie and the listeners. This…

I read this and it’s dark and fun! (on my kindle app on my phone, but you can read it on yer computer, nook, kindle… any machine. 

comic book store today

It’s been a couple weeks so I thought I’d let you in on what we’ll be catching up on. This is not comprehensive as different titles come out staccato-like, and I only do THIS once in a while. But these are all so good :) 

Xmen by Wood, Dodson Dodson & Keith
Nova by Duggan Medina Vlasco & Curiel
Gaurdians of the Galaxy by Bendis Maguire & Ponsor
Black Widow by Edmondson & Noto
Daredevil by Waid Samnee & Rodriguez
The Superior Spider-Man by Slott Gage Ramos Olazaba & Delgado
Thor God of Thunder by Aaron Garney Lupacchino & Svorcina
X-Factor by David Di Gianomenico & Loughridge
Captain America by Remender Pacheco Taibo & Rosenberg
Hawkeye by Fraction Wu & Hollingsworth
Iron Man by Gillen Padilla Hanna Guru
Seekers of the Weird by Seifert Monline & Beaulieu

Huntress & Power Girl by Levitz Silva Weems & Winn
Animal Man by Lemire & Albuquerque
Astro City by Busiek Anderson & Ross
Unwritten by Carey & Gross

Pertty Deadly by Deconnic Rios Bellaire & Cowles
Sattellite Sam by Fraction & Chaykin
Velvet by Brubaker  & Epting
Chew by Layman & Guillory
Alex & Ada by Luna & Vaughn

Afterlife with Archie by Auirre-Sacarsa  Francavilla & Morelli
B.P.R.D. Hell on Earth by Mignola Arcudi Harren & Stewart

Zinc- Baltimore so great! Steve - we are totally reading that!

January, TDF, NYC is expensive

If yer gonna do it, now’s a good time.

I was just about to post this (NYC is freaking expensive) and got a pre-emptive donation and note, “here’s to the dorkie goodness, wow spellcheck suggests darkie for dorkie. thx for the fun, k”

It’s January, donate to the dorky goodness! $100 a year is easy enough, $8 a month is the breakdown. I have not made THAT easy for you at but I believe in you.

Then I thought: What the hell, it’s just a pronoun. My daughter wants Bilbo to be a girl, so a girl she will be. And you know what? The switch was easy. Bilbo, it turns out, makes a terrific heroine. She’s tough, resourceful, humble, funny, and uses her wits to make off with a spectacular piece of jewelry. Perhaps most importantly, she never makes an issue of her gender—and neither does anyone else.

One Weird Old Trick to Undermine the Patriarchy : The Last Word On Nothing (via leahj)


(via somedaysomeway)

FAVORITE EPS OF TDF! *theyareallfun

The Votes are IN! Or the voting is OVER… whatever you want to call it.
The Dork Forest… go to iTunes or for more info, donation button (HELLO!) and some notes on each episode I had time to do notes on.

It was so close you guys. And you can cherry pick YOUR dorkdom or YOUR fave comic by googling “Dork Forest” and the “Name” of your crush or dorkdom.


1.   EP 172 Janeane Garofalo, Maria Bamford discuss BEADS!
2.   EP 177 Greg Proops on Ancient History (his baseball ep is great too!)
3.   EP 198 Dork Panel with Karen Kilgariff, Bamford, Murray Valeriano & Dave Anthony
4.   EP 151 Craig Shoemaker enjoys The Wizard of Oz
5.   EP 199 Michelle McNamara still likes True Crime (2 other eps on this. so great)
6.   EP 189 Moshe Kasher knows some Religion talk
7.   EP 150 Gina Yashere loves ghosts and KNOWS about elevators8.
8.   EP 207 Matt Mira talks about his surrogate father, James Bond
9.   EP 203 Ryan Stout fascinates on Traffic Court
10. EP 167 David Huntsberger knows Horses.

Here’s TEN eps where I couldn’t get people to cleanly STOP talking about their dorkdom. Perhaps this is the dorkdom you’ve been waiting for.

EP 200 Andy Peters & Mike Schmidt on Wrestling almost 2 hours
EP 168 Jake Johannsen on JAZZFEST in New Orleans
EP 159 Scott Rogers on Disneyland
EP 202 Matt Weinhold, Shawn Sheridan & Dana Gould on MONSTERS
EP 190 Cameron Esposito on TV/Movie portrayals of Lesbians. So great.
EP 157 Mark Anderson/Melora Creager on SHAKESPEARE.or… the Earl of Oxford?
EP 165 Felicia Michaels on collecting Lunch Boxes
EP 164 Diva Zappa on Knitting.
EP 195  Robert Hurt on SPACE. Cuz he works for CalTech/JPL/NASA
EP 183 James P. Connolly on ELVIS

Now I just want you to listen to them all. Here are eps that I didn’t KNOW were going to be awesome. Music eps scare me a bit. No offense to anyone’s dorkdom. #safespace

EP 188 Kurt Braunholer on Psychogeography.
EP 188 Fred Armisen on Paul McCartney
EP 191 Fielding Edlow on STICKERS
EP 193 Bradie Posey on SKA MUSIC (first “type of music ep” I “got”)
EP 176 Tracey Ashley on the one video game. The Sims.
EP 204  Rhiannon Archer on stuffed animal Taxidermy.

and the last two eps that got to be voted on didn’t get their due. Brandi Brown could have talked forever about MANY things and Leann Olsen got cut off about Doctor Who. Clearly more Doctor Who dorks are needed and Leann to come back. Go to her website and check out how her dorkdom manifests… heh.

I really love doing TDF and I’m glad you guys like it and I’m looking forward to another year of listenin and larnin whatever people are into.

NY PODFEST Jan 11 with Judah Friedlander
SF SKETCHFEST guest tba Jan 30th, guest tba

Next episode to drop STILL HAS DECEMBER INTRO ON IT :) is a skype interview with Professor Corey Olsen, the TOLKIENPROF. We talk The Hobbit. So fun.

Anyway. There you go. See you out there! I’m in Austin, TX doing Cap City all weekend if you want to come to that!

This Is New

So I got an email from a booker, who also does comedy, today:
“Hey Jackie, I took your joke off that website. Wrote something that works for me so I took years off. I just thought I would give you an update because I didn’t not like using other people’s material without prior permission. Anyways, happy new year and I hope all is well. Sent from a stolen phone”

I emailed him back…what?

See, I didn’t know that he was using one of my jokes for anything…I think someone must have recognized it and he was afraid I would hear about it from another person so thought he’d clean slate it.

It turns out that he was using a really old joke of mine for his Book-A-Comic-ForYourCorporate Website.

The joke was the bidness line my dad “said.” It’s the “give a man a fish…” line.

I didn’t know whether to tell this story… But it’s weird, right? And funny that his sig line is “stolen phone.” I don’t think he was ever going to book me again anyway, he hasn’t for over three years. But I usually like to keep a line open. I’ve accidentally said other peoples jokes then called and admitted it. And vicey versy. Gotten calls from comics saying, “it just came out, I’m sorry.” And I did it just two years ago w a Laurie kilmartin joke…said her punchline, then said to the audience, “you really want to hear that joke done right, see Laurie Kilmartin.”

Now, it’s good he took it down and admitted that he was using it. But he had the weirdo guts to ask, now…after… If he COULD use the joke for the website. But with a “credit.” Wow. No.

He didn’t offer ME work. He didn’t offer to buy or pay me for the joke for future use. Or offer to pay me for past use. Which, if he did, I’d feel obligated to give the money to the friend who wrote that bc he heard my dad’s voice in it. (Side note; my father thinks he DID say that. That’s how good that joke is:)). I haven’t had anyone steal a joke, then confess and stop, then ask if they could use it anyway. Gutsy stuff. Hellova an ego to just go for it. Good grief.
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