Often, couples will use the backseat of my car as a space to have an argument in. It’s an interesting feeling to be driving and hear these arguments, as though you are Ralph Ellison’s “Invisible Man.” Except white, and in no way struggling with African-American questions of identity. And driving…
This week’s The Dork Forest is w @BrittneeBraun (she & sewing partner @nerdylatex have a site with promo codes for Rangers! www.etsy.com/shop/poppair. Forest5 will get $5 off one skirt & Forest10 gets $10 of two skirts). They are super cute and you enter the code at checkout before payment. You want to hear HOW cute it is? Listen to her dork out about sewing and cosplay on this week’s ep: www.dorkforest.com
The Dork Forest was representing at Bumbershoot this weekend, saw a few poeple wearing your shirts including Maria Bamford on Sunday and W. Kamua Bell on monday! Out there spreading the good news of TDF
Me to guy that cuts our lawn, “can you trim this giant headge, and cut down those three small dead trees?” Him, “$100” Me, “Try again.” Him, “200?” Better. I don’t have a boatload of money but I don’t WANT to trim a giant hedge and cut down trees and deal with the wood. Happy Labor Day.
John Oliver continued his reign as U.S. TV’s most poignantly hilarious newsman on Sunday night, as the Daily Show alum delivered a furiously concise summary of the week’s horrific events in Ferguson, Miss
Just talking to my sister in law and a kid was yelling in the background (Phoenix airport) and she said, “what is that?” I said, “it’s some little ASSHOLE who should get his SHIT together.” I might not be great today. Travel wise. #grumpymagoo. Got a laugh from the people sitting around me and the kid was shocked into SHUTTING UP. So, win, lose, win, lose. Me not feeling good about it but also feeling, “yeah, I got that five yr old.” #progressnotperfection
Cincinnati Dayton Columbus, yer great. We shall gather again! Thanks NatBookings for the kewl new work! Great time working with lil Frankie Beningo’s (TBA) dad. One crazy drunk table last night. They were asked to leave bc, after loudly drunk during the mc and feature, they were loud at the beginning of my set. I asked if they would be interested in being quiet and hearing the show. One of the guys yelled, “NO” so they were asked to leave. I told them to buy my album and yell at it, for fun. The NO guy yelled, “you probably suck anyway.” I, always on the cutting edge of crowd work said, “yeah, but not you.” Huh? Heh. I’m always writing.
UPDATE: Monday 4pm: Just got this:
Name: John stricker
You suck I’m the guy you got thrown out of the woodland tavern Saturday for nothing! You’re playing a hundred person venue because you’re not that good and you have the nerve to ask me to leave because I disrupted you’re scripted set you’re not a comic you’re an actress. Good luck with you’re career! Better find a real job. I think you should refund the money I wasted to see you but I’ll let that be your call
My brother Russ on our brother Terry going to visit our dad, “everyone keeps saying to me - you have a brother Terry?” and i say, ‘yes. he’s like Chuck Cunningham. You don’t see him much after the first season.”
I’m still laughing. Which lead Russ to go TOO FAR. “That might be too old. Try Molly Ringwald in Facts of Life” Me, wait. that’s not a lot newer. THEN… “or how about Don Grady from My Three Sons.” me, blank stare, “Yeah!! he played the oldest brother Robbie in the first season!” That was 1960. I don’t think you were BORN Russ. “Yeah, but everyone watches reruns.” Hmmm. I still like Chuck Cunningham.
Love the replies.no idea how to reply to replies :)
Talking to one of my nephews today, “Uncle Phil never tells anyone that story about being kidnapped from the Moonies, does he?” Me, “you’ve been around Kashian’s for 15 years. That’s what we do…tell stories of when we were not the hero. The classic beginning to most stories in our family: “Listen to this time when I was an idiot” and/or “I was such a jackass, it was hilarious.” Most of the time, I think, we re just proud we weren’t killed.
SO: There has been a lot of media focus on heckler altercations lately. Eddie Griffin and Tammy Pescatelli both had drinks thrown at them. What are your thoughts on these recent rather violent heckler entanglements? Do you think comedians should retaliate? Is heckling just an on the job hazard? If it weren’t for hecklers we might not have brilliant comedians like you! Grin.
Jackie: I’m glad Tosh apologized. But not because of anything besides that it was rude. It wasn’t genocide. He shouldn’t do time for it. It was just a horrible thing to say in the moment and HE was the one who said it. So he apologized and was made fun of by other comics and The Onion. Because with millions of Twitter followers, comes great responsibility.
I’ve said terrible terrible things to audience members when I’ve been furious in the moment. No one saw it; no one recorded it. But I’ve felt bad. Apologizing might have helped me move the hell on instead of still beating myself up, years later, about some drunk lady I made cry or some drunk guy I made so mad that I had to be walked to my car.
As you mentioned, I was a heckler that very first time seeing comedy. And I was the worst-case scenario. There really is nothing worse than a drunken lady heckler who thinks she’s “helping.” And that was me when I heckled Sam Kinison. The manager who shut me down did good work. Because hecklers don’t make comics better. Go see improv if you wish to be “part of the show.” They want you to “help.” Stand up comics have written material they slaved over between shots and chicken wings. Comics don’t need your “help” anymore than when, you go to a play, you should shout the lines to the actors in Richard III if they aren’t saying them “fast enough.”
Griffin and Pescatelli? Well… they are pretty well known and the Tosh thing just happened so they got some extra attention. But know this, Internet, as I type, as you read, as anyone later is reading this…right now, hundreds of comics are offending dozens of men and women around the earth.
As far as “is there some sort of line they crossed” yeah… the not funny line. That’s the only line there is. But it feels like, in each case, the comic was doing their act…interruptions occurred…they genuinely got mad…and then said a variation of “shut the fuck up” in a not-funny way. Just think…it could have been funny. I’ve said and heard hundreds of comics say horrible things that were funny. Comedy is crazy like that.
In Tosh’s case…if you were to hear as many rape jokes as I do – you too would become a bit of an unwilling connoisseur. If you’re not a comic or a comedy dork, you may not enjoy any of them. It was certainly too far for that lady. But I’ve had male comics tell me to shut up by saying, “I wish you were being raped right now because then you wouldn’t be talking.” And in a couple of those instances I’ve laughed when they said it. But, again, not everybody can carry it off. Guys that say it and can’t carry it off are guys I don’t hang out with. But that’s for many reasons and most of them are that they aren’t funny on several levels. Please note that there are many many many more men who find other ways to say…“Hey, you’re boring the shit out of me” including, “hey, you’re boring the shit out of me.”
I have one wish for comedy clubs and one wish for audiences of comedy. I wish clubs would police the room for their live events. This is not the first time they’ve held a live event that includes the serving of alcohol. The Laugh Factory (or any club) has had other audience participation problems. Cough…Michael Richards…cough. They might want to look into some sort of “policy.”
The second is a wish for audiences…for that lady who walked into The Laugh Factory and sat down to a show. We live in an Internet age. Google the comic you’re about to see. Daniel Tosh is not for everyone. Lisa Lampanelli is not for everyone. Hell I’M not for everyone (though I’m VERY close). YouTube Google the comic’s name…you may even, at this point, get to see them dealing with a heckler online. Do it. Save yourself humiliation, $17 and about 2500 calories in mozzarella sticks from Costco by knowing what “sort” of comedy you’re about to see.
I know the wish fairy will ignore these wishes. For the wish fairy can be a jackass.
I was looking for something online and found this interview I did a while back (Daniel Tosh said a mean thing long ago). I was FASCINATING. Check it all out but here’s my favorite thing I< MYSELF: said. http://www.serialoptimist.com/interviews/jackie-kashian-is-big-time-smiles-9423.html
Not to overwhelm but, because there’s no new ep this week… here’s either a starter list of TDF pods of great guests and great dorkdoms (fan faves of the last 3 years) or a reminder to re-listen to some of these hilar eps. www.dorkforest.com or iTunes it up:
Fan Faves of 2013
TDF EP#177 - Greg Proops - Ancient History TDF EP#172 – Janeane/Bamford - Beading/SuzeOrman TDF EP#198 – Live Podfest w Kilgariff/Bamford/Anthony/Valeriano - Salad TDF EP#189 – Moshe Kasher - Religion TDF EP#199 – Michelle McNamara - True Crime TDF EP#203 – Ryan Stout - Traffic Court
TDF EP#150 – Gina Yashere - Ghosts/Elevators TDF EP#151 – Craig Shoemaker - Wizard of Oz TDF EP#207 – Matt Mira - James Bond TDF EP#167 – David Huntsberger - Horses TDF EP#200 – Andy Peters/Mike Schmidt - Wrestling TDF EP#190 – Cameron Esposito - Lesbians TDF EP#202 – Matt Weinhold/Dana Gould/ Shawn Sheridan - Halloween
Fan Faves of 2012
TDF EP#129 – Live with Michelle McNamara (True Crime)
TDF EP#111 – Jim Gaffigan (obscure news personality)
TDF EP#117 – Corey Olsen (TolkienProf)
TDF EP#126 – Live with Greg Fitzsimmons (Rage mostly)
TDF EP#142 – Live with Retta, Rajskub, Kilmartin and Scovel (riffing ep)
TDF EP#94 – Mary Jo Pehl (reading and writing and more reading)
TDF EP#133 – Kira Soltonovich (Korean Spas)
TDF EP#113 – Jesse Schell and Andy Ashcraft (oh. Video Games)
TDF EP#98 – Henry Phillips and Mike Phirman (Guitar Comedy and Music)
TDF EP#139 – Joel Hodgson (ventriloquism)
TDF EP#93 – Live with Ernie Cline (the 80s and Ready Player One)
TDF EP#102 – Dan Telfer (Dinosaurs and science in general)
TDF EP#108 – Al Madrigal (Sales and Cartoons)
TDF EP#148 – Guy Branum - Canada
TDF EP#95 – Live with Kevin Eastman (ninja turtles)
TDF EP#97 – Rose Abdoo and John Matta (tiny tiny ART! And The Thing)
TDF EP#99 – Asterios Kokkinos (Pokemon)
TDF EP#100 – PF Wilson – (football and the history of the various leagues)
TDF EP#103 – Live with Andy Kindler (“indie” comic books)
TDF EP#104 – Merrill Markoe (I feel like we talked dogs mostly)
TDF EP#110 – Patrick Brady (animation)
TDF EP#120 – Erin Foley (NY Giants)
TDF EP#121 – Tom Franck (Art)
TDF EP#130 – Lois McMaster Bujold (I dork out AT her. She talks writing)
TDF EP#138 – Michael Everson (coding fonts for obscure languages)
#BeaconOfHope Now that I’ve cleared up, to the approval of anyone still confused and full of men’s rage why #yesallwomen isn’t a personal attack on them…let me fix loneliness.
I am the hero of this story.
I had one “boyfriend” for 6 months in college and then, 17 yrs later, I met my husband after several years online dating. To quote my sister, “If you’re going to wait 17 years for a boyfriend, Andy was one to wait for.” *I wasn’t “waiting” patiently. But, as time went by, I didn’t end up hating men and I haven’t gone on a killing spree. I’m just saying… everyone is not-fucked. Keep trying.
Men who say “women don’t like nice guys” mean that some woman they have a crush on doesn’t like them and are not taking their overture of friendship as a gateway to romance. Guess what gentlemen, it’s EXACTLY the same for women. Everyone has bemoaned the thousands of people, who are assholes, that have boyfriends/girlfriends, while they do not. Women talk about how men only like “girls that are mean to them.” We can all see that that is the same sentence with the gender swapped. In fact, we’re all idiots at this except the people that were born good at this.
I don’t know why. If I knew why, I would always have had a boyfriend.
We’re all raised with the stories of how everyone grows up, gets a boyfriend or girlfriend, and then the movie ends. Or, even weirder, it’s the kind of movie where, someone has a loved one, only to break up with them to go out with someone hotter. In that story, two people want to sex it up with them. They have an extra, if you will. I know some people, not even assholes, who have lived that life. It’s always felt like a damn superpower to me.
I know more people who have had my experience… Not dating, not having a partner, being alone and not understanding why. It might be that I’m a comic, but I’d bet not.
What I have learned is that I was right to try. I know that you have to keep trying. I don’t know how I know that: nature, nurture, something in the water. I learned that about friendship in 9th grade, when I was 14; and I learned that about men when I was 35.
Really, Kashian? You didn’t know how to have a friend until you were 14? Right. And, until you were 35 years old you didn’t know how to try to have a boyfriend? Yes. I’m not great socially. It takes work. And romance is the scariest, so it takes hope.
I thought I was trying. I thought I WAS hitting on a guy by just standing next to them, silently using my powers of telekinesis to get him to ask me out. Or giving guys presents. Giving guys candy in junior high, buying them drinks in college, getting them work in standup after college… These are the ploys of someone that doesn’t know how to initiate a “I would like a romantic partner now” conversation.
Some men talk about the drink-buying, “I bought her drinks all night, she should know I like her.” Yeah..I’ve tried that. That’s what all that present giving is: I find you attractive, here’s some stuff. If the person you’re buying things for doesn’t like you back you’re just getting someone else drunk on your dime. And they’re still not into you. It’s not polite but some guys took the candy, the presents, the money. Just like some women do. And some guys turned it down because they knew what I was doing, because they had done it too. Just like some women do. But don’t think only men do this foolishness. I’m not the only woman that’s shelled out cash and prizes trying to get a guy to like me. And plenty of men have taken the gifts. As gifts. And not gone out with me. (Wait. AM I the hero if this story?)
My other “dating technique” (learned in college) was to get hammered and hang on some dude. Neither message says, by the way, “hey want to be my boyfriend?”
Thank God online dating was invented. Online dating made it so clear. I didn’t have to “hit on” or wait to be “hit on.” I could, from the relative safety of my house, put it out there. Men could and did ignore what I was “offering” but some guys wanted to, at least, meet and politely not be interested, face to face. Dozens of men were not interested in me (and vicey versy) after lengthy discussions online and, eventual meetings, over several years.
I’d online date for three months, pause and regroup. I’d chat with some guy who claimed to be a “young 50” or I’d meet a guy that I thought was great but he lived 40 miles away from me and neither of us was interested enough to make that drive. It was emotionally exhausting but it was the only way for me. It helped me. I have never been able to flirt. Everyone on an online dating site knows it’s purpose is to find romance. Or whatever. Because the format is clear.
I could go in saying, “I would like a date, not a friend.” We might and should become friends but the clear, unspoken point was, “do you want to ever kiss me?” “Do I want to ever kiss you?” And you (or the other person) will know immediately, or after 3 or 5 dates, yea or nay.
Most everything I know about relationships I learned from standup comedy. It’s not a particularly great way to learn but it’s also not inaccurate. The advantages of seeing one million guys bitch about their wives, girlfriends and lack thereof for a million years, is that I know what might irritate a guy and, hence, I try to be polite and not do the things premised about in any relationship I’ve had. *seemypublishedworks.
And when I say “relationship” I mean, for the first 15 years of doing standup comedy, languishing unrequited crushes on really funny comics that were not interested. And now I thank my lucky stars that they were not interested…for whatever reason.
We all look around and are attracted to the person we are attracted to. We learn early on that it’s not going to be reciprocated:
In 7th grade I went to my first dance. I was wearing my brother’s baseball jersey and a pair of his dress pants. Because they were dress pants! I stood around for a while and then a slow dance started playing. I looked around for a guy to dance with and walked up to the quarterback for the 9th grade football team. And asked him to dance. In front of his friends. Oh, he said no. I don’t remember him being mean about it. He was confused. I was dressed like a boy and I’d just turned 12. He was 14.
He was confused? I was confused, I thought, oh you ask the person you want to touch, to dance with you. Turns out there’s more to it. His needs, wants and desires, just to start. Everyone gets to pick if they don’t want to dance. Men, women…and the asker has to take it from the askee. Make a note.
I’ll say, because of my lack of innate, intuitive romance skills, I have been unaware of guys that did like me. In retrospect, those guys existed…but I couldn’t read the signs. And they weren’t any better at it than I was. They were standing next to ME, using their powers of telekinesis to get me to recognize their interest. So, I recommend we all look around in our lives. If you don’t see anyone, use the drop-down menu.
The common misconceptions of comics who are, at the moment they write a joke, not “getting any,” can encourage preconceptions of an entire audience. Of the dozens of irritating comedy premises (from every kind of person) one that is often poorly done (and occasionally really well done) is, “women can get laid whenever they want to.” I get the premise, gentlemen. But not really.
I know I’ve wanted to get laid and then couldn’t just get laid. Because, just as men don’t generally want just “any hole,” most women don’t want “just any penis.” I can’t decide to have sex with the guy that I wanted to have sex with. Hello Dick Cavett 1987! And if I have sex just for the “tune up” there will always be that “awkward moment” when you can’t help but think, “is this where he kills me?” *joke fromBreadAlbum. #fulldisclosure You can’t have an orgasm if you’re poised for flight. Super tense.
I used to be able, rarely, to get laid when I got drunk enough. I could let go of my fears. And I could blow off the real thought in my head, which is that I didn’t just want to get laid, I wanted a steady fella. When I stopped getting drunk to get laid, I couldn’t just get laid. Which is when I started trying to figure out how to get a boyfriend.
And then I got a boyfriend and it was scary as all hell. “Now what?” Was my next irrational fear. What do I do with him now? Well. It turns out that, if it’s the right person, you WANT to hang out with them even when you’re not “doing it.” You can become friends and lovers and supporters of each others’ work and hobbies and dreams.
I have that fear that many people have, that, when he/she finds out I’m actually a horrible person they’ll leave me. But I also know that is weirdo talk in my head. My actual human responsibility is all inside work and practicing courtesy outside work. I know when I’m a jackass. I work on that from the inside out. And, if it bleeds out into the real world (to him or somebody who’s working for a living: like at a restaurant or Starbucks, cuz that’s where I lose it verbally), I apologize. That’s my rule. And hell if that doesn’t take some practice. I’m still working on that one. And I think I will for my whole life.
My other least favorite premise is the “women hate nice guys” and “men only like mean women.” Because, unless you’ve got a great take on that premise (I’ve seen it done well), the punchlines are all about how nice women are “gross, sad, cat ladies” and nice guys are “nerds who live in their parents basements.” Sigh. Too sweeping, no longer commonly true, and you can’t have it both ways. Or, I guess you can, because you do, but it still blows as a punchline. It exhausts me because, all I can think when I hear those jokes is, “That might be the nice person you’re looking for, fuckwit.”
#yesallwomen I did a standup show at isla vista UCSB one week to the day before the guy shot up the town. There was shock and the guy’s crazy “reasoning” came out and women EVERYWHERE just started pointing out the obvious things that women live with that men don’t and haven’t even thought about. The hundreds of decent men I know, personally, are shocked and made aware of these things. They are sad about what they are learning, but they are learning it. There are millions of decent men, who I don’t know, who are learning these things and talking about how to help make everyone’s experience slightly better.
And there are the guys who can’t hear it. Which, when no one is attacking them specifically, there are only a couple reasons a person couldn’t acknowledge a common experience that is being shared from millions of women.
There are amazing things being pointed out that are just a part of a regular day in being a human female. I don’t think about it much, it’s all automatic now. The examples listed are great, but I was reminded of the low level, constant awareness of my surroundings, constant placating of some men, constant ignoring of sexual comments from some men, and a constant answering of inappropriate questions at work and in social situations about relationships, plans for relationships, children, sex and wardrobe choices.
#yesallwomen isn’t about OTHER discussions that need to be had…gun safety and mental illness. (We are living in the first 40 pages of Watership Down here, folks).
#yesallwomen means; Every woman. Your mom, your sister, your girlfriend, the lady at Starbucks. Women wearing clothes, women not wearing clothes. Women covered because of conservative religious beliefs and an eleven year old girl wearing her brother’s football jersey. And, yes, even me. I’m not Helen of Troy over here. I’ve never been the woman that nations fight wars about. I’ve looked like some version of what I look like now since I was 16. track 3: “If you miss YOUR mom, I’ll hug you.” I’m no tiny, fairy beauty that infuriates a particular kind of man into feeling that women are “teases” and “bitches.” But I, too, have been belittled verbally and physically attacked for no other reason I can think of except that I’m the woman standing in front of these guys.
I worked three summers in a gay resort town of Provincetown, MA at a footlong hotdog stand (1989joke: “put a condiment on that” killed with drunk gay guys). We had two 15 yr old guys filling the sodas and they had grown up in p-town. They hated gay guys. Because there are some gay guys who treat men like some straight guys treat women. Hitting on them, trying to flirt when it’s clear that it isn’t working. The women who worked at the hotdog stand explained to these young men that that’s how women live their lives.
I do a bit on my new album (“98% of Men” out last month and available from amazon and iTunes ;) http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00IV8K7C4/ref=dm_ws_tlw_trk11) about how I know the majority of the people on this planet are good (and 2% of the people, men and women, are broken… so live a little defensively, but not crazy defensive, like Nancy Grace wants you to). I’ve “not been killed” a half dozen times by guys that were annoyed but took no as a complete sentence. But there is no award for not being horrible. Because you took no for an answer, because you didn’t rape someone, because you didn’t shake your baby when it wouldn’t shut up isn’t a reason to have a trophy made.
So when I heard what some men are saying, I was confused. I was confused at the men that ARE taking these comments personally… saying that, because women are pointing out how their lives exist, that “women hate all men.” Then these gentlemen also insist that a specific statement such as “a man that kills women hates women” is “too sweeping.” I have thought about all of this as I’ve watched the conversation wash over me. And I have a theory about where it’s coming from:
The guys that take all these things as personal attacks; “you’re lumping us all together” you’re insisting on “collective guilt,” feel attacked because they FEEL guilty - EVEN IF THEY’VE DONE NOTHING.
1. There are men that feel they SHOULD have been doing something and are mad at their own lack of Superpowers. 2. Worse, there are men that HAVE done something…if only creep on women … and feel like they’re being called on it. And they are. This is a call to stop it. Just…stop it. It’s not okay. It’s not funny. It’s not effective. It’s bad. Stop it. 3. Or, and this could be anyone of us, and it takes a grown adult of any gender to admit it, there are men that have stood by.
I am not the hero of this story. I’ve stood by. I’ve let men say things to other women around me…and not spoke up. I’ve let racism be spoken around me and not spoke up. I’ve let people be mean to their kids…smacking an ear in public mean…and said nothing. Hell, I’ve let men say and elbow squeeze ME and not said anything.
I’ve stood by. I once didn’t help a man who was a. Either being mugged or b. Using the words, “someone’s chasing me” as a ploy to get into a locked corridor I was in. I’ll never know if that guy got hurt because I couldn’t trust enough to help him…but I was scared it was a ploy to get into the safety of the apartment I was house sitting at 12:30am in NYC. I know, in my head, that I made the choice to make sure I was safe. But I still feel like I was a coward. And I still think about it. But sometimes I’m afraid of the confrontation. Of the argument. Of not having the words or the physical strength to back up my convictions. I hate getting hit. But, sometimes, I still think I’m going to get hit. And no one has hit me in years. And I’ve only had to get walked to my car after a show twice in the last ten years. So, these are residual fears that still affect my life. I’ve made peace with the fact that I have been cowardly in the past. And I’ve realized that I will not always be brave. But, dammit, I try.
The way I live now is not from a place of guilt but from a place of responsibility. We all, as people taking part in our collective social contract, have a responsibility to each other. Each to our abilities and willingness to find the courage to stand up to …whatever you want to call them; bullies, crazies (both male and female) or the clinically insane …I call them assholes. I don’t do it every time, even now. It’s the kind of thing that takes practice; for me, I have to practice not BEING an asshole, as well as not allowing it AROUND me. I have to remind myself that standing up to assholes is a confrontation I do not want to have but I have to find the willingness to have. And I’m still judgmental and snappish and, so, not a fucking saint either. So I’ve got plenty of work to do. But I work on being willing to do that work.
Maybe it’s because I do standup and the underdog is always the hero in my eyes. The person to whom no tout in the world would suggest you put your money on… Women, Children, various non-white ethnic groups, the handicapped, the insane, the homeless…even a white guy with a shitty haircut…these are the people that comedy comes from, in my life.
Fish don’t think about water, they just live their lives in it. So this hashtag thing just reminds us, to each other, that we aren’t alone, or crazy for not being cool with it. And everyone’s life is in a water we can’t know, without comedy. Comedy gives us a glimpse into other waters. Other people’s families, other people’s jobs, other people’s lives. It takes us all swimming in a lake of Native American rage or an Arkansas off-the-grid lifestyle. (What are those people hiding from?) When a comedian or a book or a show reveals to me a world I have never thought about or realized existed …I am briefly ashamed that I never saw it, and then I laugh. At all of us.
Let’s all work on telling assholes to shut up as well as not being assholes ourselves.
Half hour till my show tonight. I have a bit about how 98% of men are good. I’ve been creeped on & attacked but I still want to DO that bit. I’m just sick about it tonight.
I have a bit about my dad and guns that has a lot of comedy potential and needs work but I’m physically gurgling at the thought of doing it tonight.
I worked isla vista last week. I’m sad and I feel like the jokes I do about the creeps and good guys of the world encourage good guys. But I don’t want to antagonize the bad guys who might be in my Arizona audience.
I want to be brave and “lean in” and work harder and make it okay for good guys to be good but I also want to not have to do this bullshit. No one asked me to do it, but I’m compelled to do it. By what or whom or what socialization or genetic makeup I do not know. But it hurts my heart and makes me mad that I’ve been defending anyone. Ever. But I also know I’m right to do it. Twisted up inside and confused. Should make for an interesting night of comedy.
This is an extra 2 min phone bonus from this weeks ep.
This week’s The Dork Forest www.dorkforest.com was SO great there’s 2 PHONE Bonus’s… but libsyn won’t let me upload 2 phone bonusii …so here.
TDF EP 229 with Erin Foley and the Sklar Bros
Live from Austin, TX Moontower Comedy Fest - Randy and Jason Sklar, Erin Foley (@sklarbros and @erinfoleycomic on twitter) talk about baseball and sports and it makes me WANT to want to get INTO it!! Another Dork Forest guest WIN!
Friendly tip: if you wish to engage in some sort of
activity with another person and you are asked to email the information that was mentioned in another way/shape/form (text, DM, FB, phone), rehash the conversation…reiterate the info. A message that reads, “want to do that show?” with no other sentences will get deleted. I am not a Hardy Boy. Here endeth the tiny diatribe.
Here’s the thing: the DVD is from the Friday show and the CD is from the Saturday show. Much of the material is the same but the jokes are told a bit different because I am not a machine. If you’re some kind of completist you CAN spend less than $15 for both digital copies and compare and contrast those sets. Live it up.
If you are a hard copy kind of person you can get the DVD of Horcrux from my website, which has ONE bonus thing on it. You can also get a hard copy of the CD. Which is just the same as the digital but three dimensional. www.jackiekashian.com/store.php
All of these choices sold make it easier for people who don’t have $20. OR you can listen for free on XM or Pandora or Spotify though I’m uncertain how that all works.
I freaking love this town. Right now I’ve texted everybody else but I’m having breakfast by myself across from the Designer Inn And Suites (7 fantasy suites available - tho no race-car bed).
Last nights shows, the first one at the theater was great but it seats 400 and so everyone was shuttled to Bumblebees to watch one comedy show after another. SO FUN! 8pm show, 930show 1130 show. Good pizza, free beer. I made it thru the first two shows…then hit the sack.
I’m pretty sure they all went and bonfires it up At the camp grounds. Today. Live dork forest at the Legion Hall. Heh. Fun!
I’m a Minneapolis comic. I’m from Wisconsin but my home club is in Minneapolis at ACME. I work the road a million weeks a year and comedy staff are so good to me and a thousand other comics. They are always friendly to the comics, they take so much shit from the random toolbags of audience members who get too drunk, think they are “the funny ones” or think they are NOT out in public but are in their houses with their phones and computers watching television.
In August I was traveling through MPLS the week after Adam Richmond worked the House of Comedy in the Mall of America and the local comics were ALL talking about the how his week “went.” I was told some very basic things about the week by comics that were at the club, hanging/work that room and staff that know staff and comics that “know cops.” I was horrified and mad but I didn’t feel it was so horrible as to post about it publicly. I didn’t want to get into it before he was tried or it was public. I BELIEVE the staff member, by the way. Firstly, because we don’t live the fucking Crucible (whatever Ann Coulter wants you to believe) and secondly I’ve worked in this business forever. I know what I’ve done drunk and I’ve seen much worse done drunk around me for the last million years. Here’s what I was told:
"The morning of August 4th Adam Richmond (adamrichmondcomedy.com) got arrested after fleeing the apartment of one of the waitstaff from the House of Comedy for attempted rape.
From one of the comics (guy in his 20’s) that was around the HOC that week I got this gossipy quote, “he’s gross. he kept asking me - where’s the chicks?” I kept thinking, we’re in a mall - the “chicks” are 14, I’m not going to be your wingman.”
From a waiter (guy, late 20’s) who knows the staff at the other club, I got this, “Basically, he tried to rape a waitress there. He was arrested at 5:30 am on Monday morning. Basically, the neighbors called 911, he fled and then they arrested him at the hotel. He lied to the cops about where he’d been so he’s getting charged with attempted rape and tampering with a witness. I know a cop on the force and he read the report and told me it said that Adam said to the woman, “You should feel lucky that I like you. I’m a comedian and you’re just a waitress.” There was contact…i.e. he didn’t rape her, but it seems he physically tried. That’s about all I know. And he was released on $100,000 bail. So he WILL have to go back to court, I assume. And in the meantime, he’s just doing gigs as he sees fit, I guess. Because nobody out in LA or wherever knows? I guess they will eventually. But the club is very hush-hush about this, bad press I guess.”
And the comic (20ish guy) that worked the club the FOLLOWING week said the manager said to HIM, “the waitstaff are a little twitchy this week. No weird jokes, okay?”
I came back to LA and checked his calendar and saw he’s working and no one knew. I told some women comics I know who work the Store, bc he’s there a lot, as a warning. I talked with comics, men and women, to ask if they’d heard. A couple had, most hadn’t and I got a lot of anecdotal stories of poor behavior to REALLy poor behavior.
Why weigh in now? Several reasons: Because there’s asshats out there that are clearly WORKING for his lawyer to scrub his reputation. Because the stuff listed in the police report That He Admitted were even worse than what I was told. Because everyone needs to be a little wary around the guy. Because even his merch and slogans are gross. Because he creeps me out and I’ve never met him. But, mostly, because I know hundreds of good, decent men; comics and non comics who get mocked for not being horrible to women. It’s hard to standup against people that you feel are funnier than you, or more successful than you and I wish to encourage it.
There are plenty of comics saying very funny things about his horribleness. A bunch of MPLS comics posted on the club he was supposed to work last week, Yes! Come see adam richmond and then linked various articles about the assault. When comics talk about his line to the waitress “you should be grateful I like you- you re just a waitress and Im a comic” has INSPIRED so much self deprecating WTF comments from Every comic. We’ve all reached a consensus that that is a VERY hacky rape-line. I’ve wracked my brain if I think this is gratuitous or slander or just a warning… I’m going with a warning. If he’s acquitted or convicted or the waitress drops the charges cuz “he was just kidding” he’ll still be around, shoving his crotch into the face of sitting women to be “hilarious.” Here’s a place to start for horrible articles regarding the case: http://www.laughspin.com/2014/03/21/comedian-adam-richmond-charged-with-sexual-assault-faces-up-to-25-years-in-prison/ At least I’m not plugging my new album, special, am I right?
FOLOWUP: June 17, 2014 Here you go: Adam Richmond found Not-Guilty. It turns out, if you’re a drunk MAN and you shove yer junk into the face of an unwilling drunk WOMAN, that’s not illegal. Live it up fellas.
www.dorkforest.com and iTunes of course. I get this kind of email from fans (not always from this guy and not every week; but from various ranger fans and re various eps. So great). These are excerpts from the email a nice guy named Ross sent me:
You might remember the Cowsills not just from “The Flower Girl”, but the title tune from the musical Hair(“Gimme a head with hair/Long, beautiful hai-air…”).
I, too, love melody & harmony. I miss being in a choir(although I will admit that a lot of choral music is more fun to sing than listen to); I did a tour of European cathedrals with my college choir back in Jan of 1981. Unheated cathedrals(so we all wore everything we owned under our robes, making us all look like singing, silk-covered balls that puffed steam from our breathing), the odd, muffled sound of a hundred old ladies applauding in mittens, getting thrown out of the Vienna Staatsoper during Salome, singing the Schubert Mass in G with the Salzburg Cathedral’s choir—amazing. I had my most transcendent musical experience in an Austrian cathedral; singing a Gregorian chant Sanctus set in lush, Romantic-era chords, we got to the final, gorgeous chord, and I swear I could “see”(like someone with synesthesia) the various parts like different color bands…
BTW, if you like poppy-hooky tunes, look into Marshall Crenshaw. Highly underrated, and a scholar of popular music, to boot.
Oh, Maggie Smith; watch one of her 60’s films(like The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie), or especially Neil Simon’s Murder By Death—playing a parody of the Nora Charles character from The Thin Man movies, she sports a white satin(or silk) evening gown for much of the film…Hell-oooooooo, Nurse!
Speaking of backup singers, that’s how Sheryl Crow made a living as a musician, while she was putting together her material for that great debut album.
Bacharach, you do know. Think all those ’60s Dionne Warwick and Dusty Springfield hits(among others), like Anyone Who Had A Heart, The Look of Love, Walk On By, This Guy’s In Love With You(Herb Alpert barely singing it), Alfie, (They Long To Be) Close to You, Baby It’s You, What’s New Pussycat?, What the World Needs Now Is Love, Wives and Lovers, Make It Easy On Yourself, I Say A Little Prayer For You, Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head, Promises Promises(part of his score for the stage musical version of the Lemmon-McLaine-MacMurray film, The Apartment), One Less Bell to Answer(my favorite 5th Dimension track), and zillions more. Elvis Costello did an amazing album with him a few years ago called Painted From Memory, which is a song cycle about a marriage falling apart(don’t run—the songs are just ravishing, esp God Give Me Strength, which was used as the big breakthrough hit for Ilona Douglas’ fictionalized Carole Bayer Sager character—Bacharach’s ’80s wife & writing partner, of stuff like the theme from Arthur—in Grace of My Heart).
This was a fun ep(well, aside from the stuff about troubled teens, of course—wrong to call that part “fun”). I’d love to talk pop music with Ms Palanker. Sounds like we have many similar tastes.
I’ll let you get back to work, Head Ranger. Bye-bye, and Buy Bonds.
I won’t have the all-region DVD’s of This Will Make an Excellent Horcrux by April 1st, unless discmakers can do it. The short version of this is, I sent Noiseland Industries the wrong initial file to burn onto the DVD’s, caught the mistake, sent a polite but worried email to them and received no response. I sent the right file with another email. Still no response.
On Friday I got an email from production asking if I was going to send a file. I panicked. What ensued was, 4 short emails asking if they had NOT gotten either of the files and did they, for sure, have the corrected file? No response. I sent 2 more abrupt emails to EVERYONE I had worked with. No response. I called all three of the people. No call. No Email.
Sunday I freaked out. The previous weekend, there had been someone at the office when I called, so now I (in the committee meeting in my head) thought they were ignoring me so they could make the wrong file so I’d have to re order. Not real. Not, probably, even thought of on their part.
I sent an angry email (swearing), I left an angry voicemail (swearing) and I tweeted at them in all caps. 20minutes later I, as is my policy, calmed down and sent a apologetic email, an apologetic voicemail, and an apologetic tweet. Still no response.
This morning I woke to hope for an email, a phone call… nope. I got an email from the one production person at 11:11am (PST) - which is 1:11 in Minnesota. SO… after a nice lunch they thought they’d deal with my, clearly, worried fears. Except all the email SAID was, essentially, we won’t be able to get you your dvd’s by when you said you needed them. we might be able to work something out… cool?
NO. Not cool. I called her, tried to find out if she had the right file and she was dismissive, initially, “oh I didn’t listen to your voicemails, I don’t have time for that kind of thing.” Well. good for you. but you knew I was worried about something? Her, “yeah, but it’s fine.” You didn’t think you or Andrew V. or someone should call or email ME about it? Knowing that I was worried?” Pause. “Well, sorry but it’s fine.” Is it, I asked? Do you have the right master? Pause, “I have the one Andrew sent me.” The one with the Menu and the bonus materials? Pause. “I have the one Andrew sent me.” I sent him two. I sent him the wrong one initially and then the right one. Pause. “Well. I don’t know.”
And it went on like that, me civil for about 3 more minutes, until it was made SO CLEAR she didn’t care, she thought I was overreacting to making sure the project was right. And now, the damn thing isn’t going to be done in time anyway. So I said, “Cancel it. I’ll go elsewhere. Destroy my other projects with you.”
I was civil, oh, but angry, to the end. I’m happy enough about that. But I couldn’t BELIEVE how much she didn’t care. She didn’t even OFFER to have me “hold on” while she CHECKED to see if my order was right. I did customer service for a gajillion years. The disinterested “well, you fucked up.” attitude HAS it’s place, but not in the way I was asking for help. In this case, she should have CHECKED my order. No offer to do that.
So, Noiseland Industries, Minneapolis MN… we are done. I make mistakes and I pay for them (My last album, It Is Never Going to Be Bread, I sent them the wrong master, they printed 1000 of them, I sucked it up. I sold them (they are gone and collector’s items now) with the missing TITLE track, God. An extra, track 7.5 tho. Different art that’s on the cover now from Stand UP! Records. So I know what it is to make that mistake, own up to it (so as not to fill a landfill full of my error) and move on.
There was no remorse from this woman. She was a caricature of Minnesota Nice, Minnesota Passive/Aggressive and a person who can’t admit when THEY have made a mistake.
So mad. At them. At myself for yesterday. And at the one man band of this damn career. Here ends the Vent.
I’m reading Nicholas Blake’s (née Daniel Dad Lewis via Myq Kaplan) “Minute for Murder”
What started as pulp murder mysteries he wrote, for money, in the 20’s have turned into fascinating glimpses into WW 2 reminisces in England; surrounded, of course, by pulp mystery/spy novels (written in the late 30’s/40’s). The first spy novel I read “The Smiler with a Knife” was published in the thick of the war. This one, “Minute for Murder” is published as it winds down and our hero, Nigel Strangeways, is working for the propaganda dept. So, it’s ruminative, like all of Cecil Day Lewis’s work. Full of references for great poets and playwrights that I wish I got but am unwilling to crack down on the classics. There’s always great writing with Daniel Dad Lewis, but there’s a great paragraph about the people who fought for England in WW2, reflecting what you can get from people if you really can sell a just war:
"It was pleasant to reflect many of his sort this war had thrown up. The long-haired, sensitive types, who had voted at the Oxford Union that under no circumstances would they die for king and country, and a few years later had gone up into the air with the professionals of the R.A.F. And helped win the Battle of Britain, fighting with the same skill and abandon as once they had speechified. The conscientious objectors, who refused to kill but performed prodigies of valor during the blitzes as members of rescue squads and fire brigades. The clever little dons, who vanished one day from their universities and were next heard of having dropped by parachute into occupied territory, organizing the resistance, dynamiting bridges, standing up to a firing party in a squalid backyard. The anonymous-looking scientists, who walked up to unexplored bombs and coldly took them to pieces, as though they were demonstrating an experiment in a laboratory, and generally were not blown to bits. All the eccentrics, the amateurs, the people who did not believe in war and went into a cold fury when it interfered with their private lives and were then extremely dangerous to anything that got in their way, whether it was a German or a piece of red tape. The people who proved so much more disconcerting to the enemy because they did not wear their toughness on their sleeve, and because their minds would keep jumping the rails so earnestly laid down for them by Teutonic students of the English character. " -Minute For Murder by Nicholas Blake
Previously, our hero gets his paperwork delivered by a veteran of the Last World War and we see the fears of what to do with all these “killers” we’ve created,
"You mark my words, sir. When peace comes, as you might say real peace, there’ll be (chaos) in this country. Proper (chaos)."… "Stands to reason. Millions of young men trained to kill. Proper artful too…" "Now after my war, it was different. All killed off we was. What come back, we’d ‘ad enough; anything for a quiet life. Cowed, that’s what we were. You may think it’s a harsh saying of mine, sir, but this war ain’t killed off enough" (British soldiers one assumes he’s speaking of).
The other books are full of awesome paragraphs that reflect the tension of the war, the psyche of various people. I just thought these were interesting. They certainly took a sec for me to type. So there.
A record company is getting royalties for a couple tracks on an album I didn’t know I recorded. I performed for a battered shelter. The royalty people decided in favor of the label. Is this email too harsh? “He’s got the contract I, supposedly, signed? Well…I hope some of that money is still going to the battered shelter I performed for. Or it’s another smack in the face for some stupid bitch who just doesn’t listen. “
This was the exchange w the guy, just today:
Him (polite, firm):
As I told you ** had each one of the Comics sign off royalties as these CD’s were for her cause against domestic violence. I personally saw each and every one signed. My contract is with ** and I do not have the right to just give you a copy. Are you in contact with **? I am not. There has been zero income from this project for a very long time.
I doubt if there is enough money involved here to make paying a lawyer worthwhile but do what you want. I hope that you joined Sound Exchange and received whatever $ was coming to you airplay.;
Me(polite, firm, trying to keep it light and professional):;
I am not in contact with ** either.;
I totally agree about the lawyer but, as a comic, I’m a one man band over here. No one is looking out for me but me. i.e. I have to check these things. I wrote the jokes… I believed I was giving them, one night, for a cause. If I’ve given them in perpetuity to a cause, I should know that - and if I’ve given them in perpetuity to you I’d like to know that.;
If there is so little money involved… you might want to bail and I would love to have my jokes back. ;
But it’s cool if the tracks are yours too. I just need to know. So, 13 years ago or not… there should be some documentation I signed that someone should get to see (I think me, just cuz I sposedly signed it, but I’m fine with it being SE).;
we’ll figure it out and I’ll move on. Promise, Jackie;
Him (purposely not getting me and slightly condescending):
Hi Jackie, FYI, the jokes are yours. ** owns only the sound recordings. I will show you my signed agreement with ** if you’d like to see it, in fact I’ll buy lunch. I do not the doc you signed for ** BUT I did see it and all of the others. But to be clear, ** does not own the jokes, only the sound recordings.;
Me(ladysplaining my light comment, but still being polite and giving him an out):;
Sorry, should have clarified, “the recordings of my jokes that aren’t making a great deal of money but are on the radio rarely but occasionally.”;
Know that I’m doing this with ALL of the sound recordings that I don’t have record of signing away. It’s not YOU or **… it’s ME and keeping on top of my business.;
Him (less polite):
Well Jackie you did sign away the rights. I saw the signed document. And I have a signed agreement with **. Also my recording engineer was there in plain view. Sorry your memory has failed you on this but it is in fact real. And to come out about this 13 years later ? I think you should hire an attorney.;
And the email I NOW want to send but will not: “there’s a lot of witnessing of signatures going on and no handwriting being produced. I’m not interested in hearsay…you and yer buddy saw me sign something. Great. Pony it up.”;
And recordings of comedy I JUST found out are being sold and produced, wherein the original benefit is long gone and now just some rando company is making money…yeah, that should be ME not making any money. Or not. But let’s see something with my signature on it. ;
"…it dawned on me that you were the woman I saw on an episode of Comedy Central Presents. …you were the woman that got on national television in 2003 and told a joke about Final Fantasy Legend. I played that game for hours and hours when I was 5 years old. Think of the attention span a young, nerdy brain has for video games. I devoted all of it to FF Legend. Climbing that epic tower and rebelling against God for being such an asshole was forever etched into my brain as a child.
That experience was never shared with anyone before you told that joke. …That joke, for me, was hilarious and nostalgic and even validating in a lot of ways. It basically blew my mind at the time. I say this with the utmost sincerity: Thank you for that joke.”
I love this email. I get it, via email and guys coming up to me after shows, a few times a year. It’s great. Makes me want to play MineCraft and write something. But, dude, it wouldn’t be organic… so maybe not ;)
The Podcast is out! The Dork Forest hosted by Jackie Kashian has plopped for the week and features an enthusiastic endorsement of Firebird Jim right in the intro. The premise of the podcast involves guest/s (often comedians) discussing their biggest obsession with Jackie and the listeners. This…
I read this and it’s dark and fun! (on my kindle app on my phone, but you can read it on yer computer, nook, kindle… any machine. http://www.amazon.com/Firebird-Jim-Jeff-Fullmer-ebook/dp/B00GZQBA6Q
I’m re-reading Michael Caine’s Acting in Film and it might be the best guide to “how to work for others and yourself” ever. It’s SO great. Just snippets of treating others well, being on time, valuing yourself as a worker, valuing the people you work for and with. All good. read it. Even if you work in an office or Kinkos. It’s great.
It’s been a couple weeks so I thought I’d let you in on what we’ll be catching up on. This is not comprehensive as different titles come out staccato-like, and I only do THIS once in a while. But these are all so good :)
MARVEL Xmen by Wood, Dodson Dodson & Keith Nova by Duggan Medina Vlasco & Curiel Gaurdians of the Galaxy by Bendis Maguire & Ponsor Black Widow by Edmondson & Noto Daredevil by Waid Samnee & Rodriguez The Superior Spider-Man by Slott Gage Ramos Olazaba & Delgado Thor God of Thunder by Aaron Garney Lupacchino & Svorcina X-Factor by David Di Gianomenico & Loughridge Captain America by Remender Pacheco Taibo & Rosenberg Hawkeye by Fraction Wu & Hollingsworth Iron Man by Gillen Padilla Hanna Guru Seekers of the Weird by Seifert Monline & Beaulieu
DC Huntress & Power Girl by Levitz Silva Weems & Winn Animal Man by Lemire & Albuquerque VERTIGO Astro City by Busiek Anderson & Ross Unwritten by Carey & Gross
IMAGE Pertty Deadly by Deconnic Rios Bellaire & Cowles Sattellite Sam by Fraction & Chaykin Velvet by Brubaker & Epting Chew by Layman & Guillory Alex & Ada by Luna & Vaughn
ARCHIE COMICS Afterlife with Archie by Auirre-Sacarsa Francavilla & Morelli DARK HORSE B.P.R.D. Hell on Earth by Mignola Arcudi Harren & Stewart
Zinc- Baltimore so great!
Steve - we are totally reading that!
It was so close you guys. And you can cherry pick YOUR dorkdom or YOUR fave comic by googling “Dork Forest” and the “Name” of your crush or dorkdom.
1. EP 172 Janeane Garofalo, Maria Bamford discuss BEADS! 2. EP 177 Greg Proops on Ancient History (his baseball ep is great too!) 3. EP 198 Dork Panel with Karen Kilgariff, Bamford, Murray Valeriano & Dave Anthony 4. EP 151 Craig Shoemaker enjoys The Wizard of Oz 5. EP 199 Michelle McNamara still likes True Crime (2 other eps on this. so great) 6. EP 189 Moshe Kasher knows some Religion talk 7. EP 150 Gina Yashere loves ghosts and KNOWS about elevators8. 8. EP 207 Matt Mira talks about his surrogate father, James Bond 9. EP 203 Ryan Stout fascinates on Traffic Court 10. EP 167 David Huntsberger knows Horses.
Here’s TEN eps where I couldn’t get people to cleanly STOP talking about their dorkdom. Perhaps this is the dorkdom you’ve been waiting for.
EP 200 Andy Peters & Mike Schmidt on Wrestling almost 2 hours EP 168 Jake Johannsen on JAZZFEST in New Orleans EP 159 Scott Rogers on Disneyland EP 202 Matt Weinhold, Shawn Sheridan & Dana Gould on MONSTERS EP 190 Cameron Esposito on TV/Movie portrayals of Lesbians. So great. EP 157 Mark Anderson/Melora Creager on SHAKESPEARE.or… the Earl of Oxford? EP 165 Felicia Michaels on collecting Lunch Boxes EP 164 Diva Zappa on Knitting. EP 195 Robert Hurt on SPACE. Cuz he works for CalTech/JPL/NASA EP 183 James P. Connolly on ELVIS
Now I just want you to listen to them all. Here are eps that I didn’t KNOW were going to be awesome. Music eps scare me a bit. No offense to anyone’s dorkdom. #safespace
EP 188 Kurt Braunholer on Psychogeography. EP 188 Fred Armisen on Paul McCartney EP 191 Fielding Edlow on STICKERS EP 193 Bradie Posey on SKA MUSIC (first “type of music ep” I “got”) EP 176 Tracey Ashley on the one video game. The Sims. EP 204 Rhiannon Archer on stuffed animal Taxidermy.
and the last two eps that got to be voted on didn’t get their due. Brandi Brown could have talked forever about MANY things and Leann Olsen got cut off about Doctor Who. Clearly more Doctor Who dorks are needed and Leann to come back. Go to her website and check out how her dorkdom manifests… heh. www.geekiana.com
I really love doing TDF and I’m glad you guys like it and I’m looking forward to another year of listenin and larnin whatever people are into.
So I got an email from a booker, who also does comedy, today:
“Hey Jackie, I took your joke off that website. Wrote something that works for me so I took years off. I just thought I would give you an update because I didn’t not like using other people’s material without prior permission. Anyways, happy new year and I hope all is well. Sent from a stolen phone”
I emailed him back…what?
See, I didn’t know that he was using one of my jokes for anything…I think someone must have recognized it and he was afraid I would hear about it from another person so thought he’d clean slate it.
It turns out that he was using a really old joke of mine for his Book-A-Comic-ForYourCorporate Website.
The joke was the bidness line my dad “said.” It’s the “give a man a fish…” line.
I didn’t know whether to tell this story… But it’s weird, right? And funny that his sig line is “stolen phone.” I don’t think he was ever going to book me again anyway, he hasn’t for over three years. But I usually like to keep a line open.
I’ve accidentally said other peoples jokes then called and admitted it. And vicey versy. Gotten calls from comics saying, “it just came out, I’m sorry.” And I did it just two years ago w a Laurie kilmartin joke…said her punchline, then said to the audience, “you really want to hear that joke done right, see Laurie Kilmartin.”
Now, it’s good he took it down and admitted that he was using it. But he had the weirdo guts to ask, now…after… If he COULD use the joke for the website. But with a “credit.” Wow. No.
He didn’t offer ME work. He didn’t offer to buy or pay me for the joke for future use. Or offer to pay me for past use. Which, if he did, I’d feel obligated to give the money to the friend who wrote that bc he heard my dad’s voice in it. (Side note; my father thinks he DID say that. That’s how good that joke is:)).
I haven’t had anyone steal a joke, then confess and stop, then ask if they could use it anyway. Gutsy stuff. Hellova an ego to just go for it. Good grief.
Okay… You can vote for as many of the shows as you liked this year. The survey is just set up by months because… it was the template. Vote for the shows you liked. I use the “data” (why “”? it IS data) to recommend shows for noobs! So vote early. vote often. Another 4 days I say to vote.
Day 6 Standings:
1. Proops - Ancient History 2. Janeane/Bamford - Beading/SuzeOrman 3. Live Podfest w Kilgariff/Bamford/Anthony/Valeriano - Salad 4. Moshe Kasher - Religion 5. Michelle McNamara - True Crime 6. Ryan Stout - Traffic Court
Others doing GREAT: Gina Yashere - Ghosts/Elevators Craig Shoemaker - Wizard of Oz Matt Mira - James Bond David Huntsberger - Horses Andy Peters/Mike Schmidt - Wrestling Cameron Esposito - Lesbians Matt Weinhold/Dana Gould/ Shawn Sheridan - Halloween
Comments made in the last two days:
*Shoemaker never disappoints! *That Toronto show was GREAT. *Any discussion that leads people to Shakespeare is a winner!
*Deb & Sean: what’s better than stationery, pens, and books? Live Panel: Because listening to Sue more than holding her own against the Augie & TJ onslaught made me smile all day. “F*** you hahdah” has become my end-of-my-tether go-to insult
*Horses love David Huntsberger!
*It’s Janeane - she’s the perfect embodiment of smart and funny.
*I love me some Janeane Garafolo!.
*Huber Beer! (Kojis ep)
*He’s so educated about everything but still manages to make it hilarious! (Proops) *Because the image of Maria playing for the Packers made me burst out laughing so hard I scared the neighbor’s arthritic corgi; and because I bet Janeane would like to be Suze Orman. Because Greg is always more interesting than pretty much anyone else— although this episode didn’t have enough baseball.
*Greg is always a favorite! *I also enjoy the works of Paul McCartney! *Wood panel Oldsmobile station wagons! I can say no more. No, wait, I can: Old Tim-Dog, and that tool bag of a human being.
*The TiVo episode was awesome because Jackie learning stuff is so much fun.
*LOVED Kelly Anneken. Whenever Michelle McNamara’s on I have to listen to ALL of her DF episodes.
*I always enjoy a good discussion of lesbians! *Maria is everyone’s favorite— everyone who isn’t a tool bag like Paul, that is. Listening to Michelle talk unsolved crime is fascinating, and makes me want her to succeed in solving the EARONS case more than anything.
*The Cameron Esposito was one of my all time favs - true passion for something so specific = definition of dorkdom
*Always love Michelle
*Two words: Dana Gould! *Leann is the greatest and anyone who meets her and doesn’t lover her is a dick!
*Mike & Andy: Because up to 90 seconds into this podcast I could not have cared less about wrestling, and now I’m hoping there’ll be many, many more wrestling episodes with these two. Leann is awesome, and we definitely need to spend some more time with her!
*Too many good shows to choose from. Keep up the good work! Hoping to donate more in ‘14.
Remember, you can vote for AS Many eps per question as you wish. It’s a free survey format, I just needed to put all the eps in the survey.
This is for fun, this voting biz…but I DO use it for people just starting to listen, “hey, these were earlier year’s most popular eps, try these if you like.” (Like, here’s the “best of 2012” list http://jackiekashian.tumblr.com/post/54106763329)
Day 4 of voting and the standings are at:
Live at Podfest LA w Bamford/Kilgariff/Valeriano/Anthony
Also showing well are the next ten, pretty close:
Andy Peters/Mike Schmidt
Dana Gould/Matt Weinhold/Shawn Sheridan