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Notice something in common in these photos?

It’s not what you think

I gave it away in the third pic

That’s right! None of these cops are wearing badges or name tags! I wonder why… seems like it’d be important to wear those, since it’s even illegal not to in other states…

This is actually illegal in all states. A police officer must be marked as such with name and badge at all times unless their jurisdiction states otherwise (such as an undercover officer), and even when not wearing a badge, the officer must have the badge accessible at all times and must show the badge in order to make an arrest. Name tags are not required as long as a badge is available because the badge has the officer number on it.

This has really been bothering me. The police in Ferguson are breaking the law by concealing their identities. Everyone knows this, it’s been going on for ten days, and it appears that nobody is doing anything about it.

The police are clearly and systematically violating the first amendment rights of the press, and they are getting away with it. This has been happening for days, and nobody appears to be doing anything about it.

A police officer pointed a rifle at a journalist and told him to fuck off *while he was being filmed, so he’s easily identifiable by his superiors*, and that police officer still has a job.

I know that not all cops are bad (or even most cops), but there are clearly bad cops in Ferguson, and they’re acting with complete impunity. I don’t understand why those cops aren’t being taken off the scene, and why a higher (possibly federal) authority isn’t coming in to address these things.

Just talking to my sister in law and a kid was yelling in the background (Phoenix airport) and she said, “what is that?” I said, “it’s some little ASSHOLE who should get his SHIT together.” I might not be great today. Travel wise. #grumpymagoo. Got a laugh from the people sitting around me and the kid was shocked into SHUTTING UP. So, win, lose, win, lose. Me not feeling good about it but also feeling, “yeah, I got that five yr old.” #progressnotperfection

Cincinnati Dayton Columbus, yer great. We shall gather again! Thanks NatBookings for the kewl new work! Great time working with lil Frankie Beningo’s (TBA) dad. One crazy drunk table last night. They were asked to leave bc, after loudly drunk during the mc and feature, they were loud at the beginning of my set. I asked if they would be interested in being quiet and hearing the show. One of the guys yelled, “NO” so they were asked to leave. I told them to buy my album and yell at it, for fun. The NO guy yelled, “you probably suck anyway.” I, always on the cutting edge of crowd work said, “yeah, but not you.” Huh? Heh. I’m always writing.

UPDATE: Monday 4pm: Just got this:

Name: John stricker

Message:

You suck I’m the guy you got thrown out of the woodland tavern Saturday for nothing! You’re playing a hundred person venue because you’re not that good and you have the nerve to ask me to leave because I disrupted you’re scripted set you’re not a comic you’re an actress. Good luck with you’re career! Better find a real job. I think you should refund the money I wasted to see you but I’ll let that be your call

My Guardians of the Galaxy Mix

Volume whatever for: 

            fights, betrayals, finding the merch, meeting old and new friends.

Kung Fu Fighting Carl Douglas https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzPcMzy4WI8

Forever Mine O’Jays  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKOrhTv3kx0 

Rocking Chair Gwen McCrae https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSRXuKa5PIs

All the Way Lover Millie Jackson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OL8ObpW5Jm0

Working My Way Back to You The Spinners https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TY_AlrfB3U0

There it Is Tyrone Davis https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7M5LrO_fU0c

Walking in Rhythm the Blackbyrds https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oeyL1yVY_6Q

Your Precious Love Marvin Gaye Tammi Terrell https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbX66Ddxtow

But It’s Alright J.J. Jackson https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBW9Gt2ha44

Higher and Higher Jackie Wilson

Chuck Cunningham

My brother Russ on our brother Terry going to visit our dad, “everyone keeps saying to me - you have a brother Terry?” and i say, ‘yes. he’s like Chuck Cunningham. You don’t see him much after the first season.” 

I’m still laughing. Which lead Russ to go TOO FAR. “That might be too old. Try Molly Ringwald in Facts of Life” Me, wait. that’s not a lot newer. THEN… “or how about Don Grady from My Three Sons.” me, blank stare, “Yeah!! he played the oldest brother Robbie in the first season!” That was 1960. I don’t think you were BORN Russ. “Yeah, but everyone watches reruns.” Hmmm. I still like Chuck Cunningham. 

Love the replies.no idea how to reply to replies :)

Family Circle…

Talking to one of my nephews today, “Uncle Phil never tells anyone that story about being kidnapped from the Moonies, does he?” Me, “you’ve been around Kashian’s for 15 years. That’s what we do…tell stories of when we were not the hero. The classic beginning to most stories in our family: “Listen to this time when I was an idiot” and/or “I was such a jackass, it was hilarious.” Most of the time, I think, we re just proud we weren’t killed.

Comics - it’s been a while

Just went and picked up WEEKs of comics. Here’s the ones I got: 

Marvel
Daredevil - Waid, Samnee, Rodriguez the Waid, Krause, Kalisz
Deadpool XForce - Swierczynski, Larraz, Woodard
Guardians of the Galaxy - Corona Pilgrim, Di Vito, Villari
Legandary Star Lord - Humphries, Medina, Vlasco, Curiel
Rocket Raccoon - Young, Beaulieu
Captain Marvel - Deconnick, Lopez, Loughridge
Loki, Agent of Asgard - Ewing, Garbett, Woodard
Moon Knight - Ellils, Shalvey, Bellaire
NOVA - Duggan, Baldeon, Pallot, Curiel
X-Men - Wood, Buffagni, Briones
Iron Man - Gillen, Bennett, Hanna, Guru eFX
All New X-Factor - David, Di Giandomenico, Loughridge
New Warriors - Yost, Roche, Baldeon, Tarragona, Redmond
THOR God of Thunder - Aaron, Ribic, Svorcina
Amazing Spider Man - Slott, Ramon, Olazaba, Delgado
Black Widow - Edmondson, Noto
Deadboy Detectives - Litt, Buckingham, Braun

DC
Huntress Word’sFinest PowerGirl -Levitz, McDaniel
Batman Superman - Pak, Raney, Lashley, Mendoza

Vertigo
Fables - Willingham, Buckingham, LeiaLoha, Pepoy
The Unwritten Apocalypse - Carey, Gross
Fairest - Buckingham, Braun
Astro City - Busiek, Anderson, Ross

Dynamite
Legenderry, A Steampunk Adventure - Willingham, Davila

Boom! Box
Lumberjanes - Stevenson, Ellis, Watters, Allen

Dark Horse
BPRD Hell on Earth - Mignola, Arcudi, Campbell, Stewart
The Goon - Eric Powell
Witchfinder - Newman, McHugh, Crook, Stewart

Abstract Studio
Rachel Rising - Terry Moore

IDW
Kill Shakespeare - McCreery, Delcol, Belanger, Chankhamma

Image
Chew - Layman, Guillory
Trees - Ellis, Howard
COWL - Higgins, Siegel, Reis
SAGA - Vaughan, Staples
FATALE - Brubaker, Phillips
Alex & Ada - Luna, Vaughn (Sarah)

  • Track Name

    The Dark Side

  • Album

    September 21, 2012

  • Artist

    Jackie Kashian

My Stepmom died this month a couple years ago. I had lunch with her July 4th, 2012 and she died July 25th. I did The Moth in September of 2012. I miss her. 

Apologizing to hecklers for snapping.

SO: There has been a lot of media focus on heckler altercations lately. Eddie Griffin and Tammy Pescatelli both had drinks thrown at them. What are your thoughts on these recent rather violent heckler entanglements? Do you think comedians should retaliate? Is heckling just an on the job hazard? If it weren’t for hecklers we might not have brilliant comedians like you! Grin.

Jackie: I’m glad Tosh apologized. But not because of anything besides that it was rude. It wasn’t genocide. He shouldn’t do time for it. It was just a horrible thing to say in the moment and HE was the one who said it. So he apologized and was made fun of by other comics and The Onion. Because with millions of Twitter followers, comes great responsibility.

I’ve said terrible terrible things to audience members when I’ve been furious in the moment. No one saw it; no one recorded it. But I’ve felt bad. Apologizing might have helped me move the hell on instead of still beating myself up, years later, about some drunk lady I made cry or some drunk guy I made so mad that I had to be walked to my car.

As you mentioned, I was a heckler that very first time seeing comedy. And I was the worst-case scenario. There really is nothing worse than a drunken lady heckler who thinks she’s “helping.” And that was me when I heckled Sam Kinison. The manager who shut me down did good work. Because hecklers don’t make comics better. Go see improv if you wish to be “part of the show.” They want you to “help.” Stand up comics have written material they slaved over between shots and chicken wings. Comics don’t need your “help” anymore than when, you go to a play, you should shout the lines to the actors in Richard III if they aren’t saying them “fast enough.”

Griffin and Pescatelli? Well… they are pretty well known and the Tosh thing just happened so they got some extra attention. But know this, Internet, as I type, as you read, as anyone later is reading this…right now, hundreds of comics are offending dozens of men and women around the earth.

As far as “is there some sort of line they crossed” yeah… the not funny line. That’s the only line there is. But it feels like, in each case, the comic was doing their act…interruptions occurred…they genuinely got mad…and then said a variation of “shut the fuck up” in a not-funny way. Just think…it could have been funny. I’ve said and heard hundreds of comics say horrible things that were funny. Comedy is crazy like that.

In Tosh’s case…if you were to hear as many rape jokes as I do – you too would become a bit of an unwilling connoisseur. If you’re not a comic or a comedy dork, you may not enjoy any of them. It was certainly too far for that lady. But I’ve had male comics tell me to shut up by saying, “I wish you were being raped right now because then you wouldn’t be talking.” And in a couple of those instances I’ve laughed when they said it. But, again, not everybody can carry it off. Guys that say it and can’t carry it off are guys I don’t hang out with. But that’s for many reasons and most of them are that they aren’t funny on several levels. Please note that there are many many many more men who find other ways to say…“Hey, you’re boring the shit out of me” including, “hey, you’re boring the shit out of me.”

I have one wish for comedy clubs and one wish for audiences of comedy. I wish clubs would police the room for their live events. This is not the first time they’ve held a live event that includes the serving of alcohol. The Laugh Factory (or any club) has had other audience participation problems. Cough…Michael Richards…cough. They might want to look into some sort of “policy.”

The second is a wish for audiences…for that lady who walked into The Laugh Factory and sat down to a show. We live in an Internet age. Google the comic you’re about to see. Daniel Tosh is not for everyone. Lisa Lampanelli is not for everyone. Hell I’M not for everyone (though I’m VERY close). YouTube Google the comic’s name…you may even, at this point, get to see them dealing with a heckler online. Do it. Save yourself humiliation, $17 and about 2500 calories in mozzarella sticks from Costco by knowing what “sort” of comedy you’re about to see.

I know the wish fairy will ignore these wishes. For the wish fairy can be a jackass.

I was looking for something online and found this interview I did a while back (Daniel Tosh said a mean thing long ago). I was FASCINATING. Check it all out but here’s my favorite thing I< MYSELF: said. http://www.serialoptimist.com/interviews/jackie-kashian-is-big-time-smiles-9423.html 

Starter or Refresher is of TDF

Not to overwhelm but, because there’s no new ep this week… here’s either a starter list of TDF pods of great guests and great dorkdoms (fan faves of the last 3 years) or a reminder to re-listen to some of these hilar eps. www.dorkforest.com or iTunes it up: 

Fan Faves of 2013

TDF EP#177 - Greg Proops - Ancient History
TDF EP#172 – Janeane/Bamford - Beading/SuzeOrman
TDF EP#198 – Live Podfest w Kilgariff/Bamford/Anthony/Valeriano - Salad
TDF EP#189 – Moshe Kasher - Religion
TDF EP#199 – Michelle McNamara - True Crime
TDF EP#203 – Ryan Stout - Traffic Court

TDF EP#150 – Gina Yashere - Ghosts/Elevators
TDF EP#151 – Craig Shoemaker - Wizard of Oz
TDF EP#207 –  Matt Mira - James Bond
TDF EP#167 – David Huntsberger - Horses
TDF EP#200 –  Andy Peters/Mike Schmidt - Wrestling
TDF EP#190 –  Cameron Esposito - Lesbians
TDF EP#202 –  Matt Weinhold/Dana Gould/ Shawn Sheridan - Halloween

Fan Faves of 2012

TDF EP#129 – Live with Michelle McNamara (True Crime)

TDF EP#111 – Jim Gaffigan (obscure news personality)

TDF EP#117 – Corey Olsen (TolkienProf)

TDF EP#126 – Live with Greg Fitzsimmons (Rage mostly)

TDF EP#142 – Live with Retta, Rajskub, Kilmartin and Scovel (riffing ep)

TDF EP#94 – Mary Jo Pehl (reading and writing and more reading)

TDF EP#133 – Kira Soltonovich (Korean Spas)

TDF EP#113 – Jesse Schell and Andy Ashcraft (oh. Video Games)

TDF EP#98 – Henry Phillips and Mike Phirman (Guitar Comedy and Music)

TDF EP#139 – Joel Hodgson (ventriloquism)

TDF EP#93 – Live with Ernie Cline (the 80s and Ready Player One)

TDF EP#102 – Dan Telfer (Dinosaurs and science in general)

TDF EP#108 – Al Madrigal (Sales and Cartoons)

TDF EP#148 – Guy Branum - Canada

TDF EP#95 – Live with Kevin Eastman (ninja turtles)

TDF EP#97 – Rose Abdoo and John Matta (tiny tiny ART! And The Thing)

TDF EP#99 – Asterios Kokkinos (Pokemon)

TDF EP#100 – PF Wilson – (football and the history of the various leagues) 

TDF EP#103 – Live with Andy Kindler (“indie” comic books)

TDF EP#104 – Merrill Markoe (I feel like we talked dogs mostly) 

TDF EP#110 – Patrick Brady (animation)  

TDF EP#120 – Erin Foley (NY Giants)

TDF EP#121 – Tom Franck (Art)

TDF EP#130 – Lois McMaster Bujold (I dork out AT her. She talks writing)

TDF EP#138 – Michael Everson (coding fonts for obscure languages) 

Fan Faves of 2011

# 55 Greg Proops – Making Baseball interesting           

# 67 Hardwick/Palascak – Harry Potter                      

# 46 Shrimp Ring (Matt Kudsen/Josh Harness)            

# 37 Karen Kilgariff  - Sandra Bullock                         

# 16 Dana Gould – Planet of the Apes                        

# 48 Aisha Tyler – girl on girl fandom                         

# 24 Jen Kirkman/ Karen Rontowksi – ghosts/UFO      

# 26 Greg/Dave – Reality TV/Music                           

# 5 PFT/Janie Haddad – Secrets/Accessories              

# 49 Dana/James - HOLLYWOOD 

Curing Lonliness

#BeaconOfHope Now that I’ve cleared up, to the approval of anyone still confused and full of men’s rage why #yesallwomen isn’t a personal attack on them…let me fix loneliness.

I am the hero of this story.

I had one “boyfriend” for 6 months in college and then, 17 yrs later, I met my husband after several years online dating. To quote my sister, “If you’re going to wait 17 years for a boyfriend, Andy was one to wait for.” *I wasn’t “waiting” patiently. But, as time went by, I didn’t end up hating men and I haven’t gone on a killing spree. I’m just saying… everyone is not-fucked. Keep trying.

Men who say “women don’t like nice guys” mean that some woman they have a crush on doesn’t like them and are not taking their overture of friendship as a gateway to romance. Guess what gentlemen, it’s EXACTLY the same for women. Everyone has bemoaned the thousands of people, who are assholes, that have boyfriends/girlfriends, while they do not. Women talk about how men only like “girls that are mean to them.” We can all see that that is the same sentence with the gender swapped. In fact, we’re all idiots at this except the people that were born good at this.

I don’t know why. If I knew why, I would always have had a boyfriend.

We’re all raised with the stories of how everyone grows up, gets a boyfriend or girlfriend, and then the movie ends. Or, even weirder, it’s the kind of movie where, someone has a loved one, only to break up with them to go out with someone hotter. In that story, two people want to sex it up with them. They have an extra, if you will. I know some people, not even assholes, who have lived that life. It’s always felt like a damn superpower to me.

I know more people who have had my experience… Not dating, not having a partner, being alone and not understanding why. It might be that I’m a comic, but I’d bet not.

What I have learned is that I was right to try. I know that you have to keep trying. I don’t know how I know that: nature, nurture, something in the water. I learned that about friendship in 9th grade, when I was 14; and I learned that about men when I was 35.

Really, Kashian? You didn’t know how to have a friend until you were 14? Right. And, until you were 35 years old you didn’t know how to try to have a boyfriend? Yes. I’m not great socially. It takes work. And romance is the scariest, so it takes hope.

I thought I was trying. I thought I WAS hitting on a guy by just standing next to them, silently using my powers of telekinesis to get him to ask me out. Or giving guys presents. Giving guys candy in junior high, buying them drinks in college, getting them work in standup after college… These are the ploys of someone that doesn’t know how to initiate a “I would like a romantic partner now” conversation.

Some men talk about the drink-buying, “I bought her drinks all night, she should know I like her.” Yeah..I’ve tried that. That’s what all that present giving is: I find you attractive, here’s some stuff. If the person you’re buying things for doesn’t like you back you’re just getting someone else drunk on your dime. And they’re still not into you. It’s not polite but some guys took the candy, the presents, the money. Just like some women do. And some guys turned it down because they knew what I was doing, because they had done it too. Just like some women do. But don’t think only men do this foolishness. I’m not the only woman that’s shelled out cash and prizes trying to get a guy to like me. And plenty of men have taken the gifts. As gifts. And not gone out with me. (Wait. AM I the hero if this story?)

My other “dating technique” (learned in college) was to get hammered and hang on some dude. Neither message says, by the way, “hey want to be my boyfriend?”

Thank God online dating was invented. Online dating made it so clear. I didn’t have to “hit on” or wait to be “hit on.” I could, from the relative safety of my house, put it out there. Men could and did ignore what I was “offering” but some guys wanted to, at least, meet and politely not be interested, face to face. Dozens of men were not interested in me (and vicey versy) after lengthy discussions online and, eventual meetings, over several years.

I’d online date for three months, pause and regroup. I’d chat with some guy who claimed to be a “young 50” or I’d meet a guy that I thought was great but he lived 40 miles away from me and neither of us was interested enough to make that drive. It was emotionally exhausting but it was the only way for me. It helped me. I have never been able to flirt. Everyone on an online dating site knows it’s purpose is to find romance. Or whatever. Because the format is clear.

I could go in saying, “I would like a date, not a friend.” We might and should become friends but the clear, unspoken point was, “do you want to ever kiss me?” “Do I want to ever kiss you?” And you (or the other person) will know immediately, or after 3 or 5 dates, yea or nay.

Most everything I know about relationships I learned from standup comedy. It’s not a particularly great way to learn but it’s also not inaccurate. The advantages of seeing one million guys bitch about their wives, girlfriends and lack thereof for a million years, is that I know what might irritate a guy and, hence, I try to be polite and not do the things premised about in any relationship I’ve had. *seemypublishedworks.

And when I say “relationship” I mean, for the first 15 years of doing standup comedy, languishing unrequited crushes on really funny comics that were not interested. And now I thank my lucky stars that they were not interested…for whatever reason.

We all look around and are attracted to the person we are attracted to. We learn early on that it’s not going to be reciprocated:

In 7th grade I went to my first dance. I was wearing my brother’s baseball jersey and a pair of his dress pants. Because they were dress pants! I stood around for a while and then a slow dance started playing. I looked around for a guy to dance with and walked up to the quarterback for the 9th grade football team. And asked him to dance. In front of his friends. Oh, he said no. I don’t remember him being mean about it. He was confused. I was dressed like a boy and I’d just turned 12. He was 14.

He was confused? I was confused, I thought, oh you ask the person you want to touch, to dance with you. Turns out there’s more to it. His needs, wants and desires, just to start. Everyone gets to pick if they don’t want to dance. Men, women…and the asker has to take it from the askee. Make a note.

I’ll say, because of my lack of innate, intuitive romance skills, I have been unaware of guys that did like me. In retrospect, those guys existed…but I couldn’t read the signs. And they weren’t any better at it than I was. They were standing next to ME, using their powers of telekinesis to get me to recognize their interest. So, I recommend we all look around in our lives. If you don’t see anyone, use the drop-down menu.

The common misconceptions of comics who are, at the moment they write a joke, not “getting any,” can encourage preconceptions of an entire audience. Of the dozens of irritating comedy premises (from every kind of person) one that is often poorly done (and occasionally really well done) is, “women can get laid whenever they want to.” I get the premise, gentlemen. But not really.

I know I’ve wanted to get laid and then couldn’t just get laid. Because, just as men don’t generally want just “any hole,” most women don’t want “just any penis.” I can’t decide to have sex with the guy that I wanted to have sex with. Hello Dick Cavett 1987! And if I have sex just for the “tune up” there will always be that “awkward moment” when you can’t help but think, “is this where he kills me?” *joke fromBreadAlbum. #fulldisclosure You can’t have an orgasm if you’re poised for flight. Super tense.

I used to be able, rarely, to get laid when I got drunk enough. I could let go of my fears. And I could blow off the real thought in my head, which is that I didn’t just want to get laid, I wanted a steady fella. When I stopped getting drunk to get laid, I couldn’t just get laid. Which is when I started trying to figure out how to get a boyfriend.

And then I got a boyfriend and it was scary as all hell. “Now what?” Was my next irrational fear. What do I do with him now? Well. It turns out that, if it’s the right person, you WANT to hang out with them even when you’re not “doing it.” You can become friends and lovers and supporters of each others’ work and hobbies and dreams.

I have that fear that many people have, that, when he/she finds out I’m actually a horrible person they’ll leave me. But I also know that is weirdo talk in my head. My actual human responsibility is all inside work and practicing courtesy outside work. I know when I’m a jackass. I work on that from the inside out. And, if it bleeds out into the real world (to him or somebody who’s working for a living: like at a restaurant or Starbucks, cuz that’s where I lose it verbally), I apologize. That’s my rule. And hell if that doesn’t take some practice. I’m still working on that one. And I think I will for my whole life.

My other least favorite premise is the “women hate nice guys” and “men only like mean women.” Because, unless you’ve got a great take on that premise (I’ve seen it done well), the punchlines are all about how nice women are “gross, sad, cat ladies” and nice guys are “nerds who live in their parents basements.” Sigh. Too sweeping, no longer commonly true, and you can’t have it both ways. Or, I guess you can, because you do, but it still blows as a punchline. It exhausts me because, all I can think when I hear those jokes is, “That might be the nice person you’re looking for, fuckwit.”

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